Pondering Still

I thought I would thank my meso mate, without her words of comfort the other day my mind would still be spinning round like a kids play toy. We both have this disease, we've never met but are so in tune on the email, its wonderful. So once again THANK YOU.

I managed to go to work yesterday, on the drive in I was thinking about a fellow colleague and his wife, as I hadn't spoken to them since leaving for USAvand vowed to ring as soon as I got in the office. He had only worked with us 6 months before falling ill with Bowel Cancer, by the time he went to the Docs it was too late, the cancer had secondaries on his liver and lung. As soon as I took my coat his wife was on the phone. Unfortunately Graeme had died on Saturday morning. The tears rolled down my cheeks and for a start of what I was hoping to be a brighter week went straight out of the window.

Graeme had put up a fantastic fight, he had to change Chemo treatments twice but when I last saw him in October he looked thin but well. His humour was still at the forefront and his positivity shone from his eyes. Although he wasn't with us as long as the rest of the crew, he will be missed by everyone at work.

When we die we die but its the ones we love left behind that I feel the most pain for. I often worry what will happen to my hubby when I'm gone, I've told him several times he has to get on with life and find himself a new partner, I can't bear the thought of him being on his own. But how will I feel when I'm haunting him and see him kissing and cuddling someone else? How would I cope if he loved his next partner more than me?

I do believe in life after death, infact I hope I get a nice little cloud that doesn't take much cleaning, but seriously, do you think we still get jealous watching from above? I guess noone can answer that as we can't come back and tell.

Also want to wish another meso man good luck for Wednesday and I hope his results are good from Germany, and that the needle isn't too bad this next time round.

That's it for now, just wanted to thank Meso Mate and say something for Graeme