Eight years On

Eight years ago today I was sat in James Cook once again in pain and this time he threatened surgery to see what was going on.  Today I thought I was going to end up in hospital again, my own fault though.

I have wanted to take the mutts to Hamsterly Forest for so long that when hubby asked what I wanted for my birthday I said to walk the dogs, how could he refuse.  He had said he had discovered a flat patch on a visit with his camera so off we went, dogs in the back along water and  bowl.  Twenty minutes still in the car driving around lonely single country lanes trying to find the entrance into the woodland that was flat, without any luck.  We finally gave up and took a track into the area.  Parked up and off we walked, we came across a slow bank down and turned this way and that, Lexi was pulling and Bear was plodding along. 

The weather was nice, a breeze but not to bad.  When we decided to turn back I spotted a short cut so said come on we'll go that way, well it was a steep bank up once we were part way in to it.  Hubby said I don't think you can do this, but as normal I ignored him!  Part way up I had to stop and take some Ventolin, I took Bear's leash and had him help pull me up the final part, it was a 45 degree climb.  I couldn't breathe but we were stuck in the middle of no where so I pushed and pushed till we reached the summit.  I collapsed on the ground, my chest was constricted and my heart beating fast.  It caused one of those heart wants to pump and is fighting for oxygen, lungs can't move because I can't breathe scenario's. 

I was waiting for the told you so, but hubby thought need an ambulance.  I stayed prone on the ground while he took off with both dogs, but Bear noticed I wasn't coming and sat down not moving forward.  Gary had to come back to me.  It took a good ten minutes for my chest to settle and my heart to ease.  I watched his worried face and I guess he watched my frightened face.  Never will I do that again.

 I nearly killed myself in the hotel when I did 3 flights of stairs you just don't realise how steep something can be and what damage it can do.  The harder the heart pumps, especially when it is already damaged, the more damage you do.

I didn't suffer from breathlessness until I had my operation, I never knew what it meant not to be able to breath, I should have as my mam had problems after her heart attack.  I was scared and thought this was going to be my last day.  To be honest I hope when I do die it is fast and sudden rather than the painful one that is ahead of us.

I don't want to spend my life wondering whether I can make a small hill or not but from now on I guess I am going to have to think before I act. 

So another year over that I shouldn't have had, how sweet is life!  I think a nice bath and an early night is in order this evening, I know it should be a glass of something but I haven't got the energy - honest.