After spending Friday rather warm, OK HOT, my hair constantly feeling damp I thought this isn't so bad. I ate, even though I have no taste at the moment. Yes, the thrust is in my mouth and those little white spots are over the back and heading towards the Throat - Oh No please don't erupt!
My DN arrived and changed my dressing and we drained, the pain ensured no more than 700 ml was taken, it is a sharp pain but am getting used to the fact that is when to cap off. I spent the morning and most of the afternoon doing office work. For a change too I actually had a proper lunch, Gary bought some ham, baguette's and cheese and I had a fancy for a nice crisp bread with lots of cheese and ham. Went down a treat I can tell you.
He set up the ironing board and I said I would do his shirts as a form of exercising but he seems to be getting the hang of ironing and just asked if I would do my own tops. I soon had them done then looked forward to collapsing on the sofa, although I had only used my brain for most of the day I was tired.
Bear decided come what may he was having my mug of tea, several times I chased him off but in the end he got his snout over the rim and his eyes looked at me with a trinkle, his tail wagged and I knew I had lost. I have to be careful giving him the mug otherwise the tea would go everywhere! Usually I get it to the floor with a towel underneath it.
I had just taken my anti sickness tablet with milk when I had this pain shoot through my heart and into the right breast. It took my breath away. At first I thought I had drank the milk too fast and it was cold but no, it was a pain I had recently had, although my mind was also saying to me 'last November on my first Chemo the meso went into agony, its the meso fighting its dying breath' but in my heart of hearts I knew this isn't the case. I fear the pericardium has gathered some fluid and the pain of that is what brought this on.
I started with 40 mg of severdol (morphine) and waited 10 minutes thinking I was quick off the mark but to no avail, the pain was coming stronger, so I took 10 mg every 10 minutes for a further 3. I waited. This is the problem sometimes, if you take too much at once are you going overboard or not enough and you just drip feed which means you need to take a lot more to get back on top. It has always been my dilemma with morphine. The waves were strong, Gary was helpless as I tried to fight my way through one wave then another. In the end I took another 20 then 40 together. The pain eased back from a 9 to a 6 and I started to think I could get there, but I didn't want to go to bed. My BP was low but my pulse was high end 90's. If this had gone over 105 then it would have been an 999 call but as I said to Gary 'What would they do, push more morphine inside?' what else can they do to get on top of pain? To be honest it felt like hours since it had started but from beginning to when we went to bed was less than 2 hours. I was still in pain when I went to bed but I had a hot water bottle to help ease the pain that was radiating under my right arm, the tightening in my left arm had eased, which made me feel a damn lot better too. But I couldn't sleep, I would drop off for 5 minutes then lie awake for 30. By 2 am I was fed up so I came downstairs and made a hot chocolate, wide awake. Morphine can do this in large doses, it makes you tired but keeps you awake but usually this only happens to me when its intravenous not tablet form!
I sat and read articles on the Ipad not wanting to disturb Gary above, who was so soundly asleep, his adrenalin had ran its course and he needed rest. At 4.30 I heard him stir so thought I had better go back up stairs, at least I could put the lights on and know if I slipped he was awake to catch me!
The next thing I knew it was 9.15 am and Bear was upstairs telling us he needed to pee! Bless but we have both slept and I my body feels like last night didn't happen, only my eye's are still tired. No doubt today I will be nodding off!
Last night Gary also got a nice surprise, the phone rang and an old friend was on the other end. We haven't seen these friends since they were expecting their first child, I hate to say but that is some 6 years ago. Many times we have thought of just calling in but then drive past, why do we do that? Hopefully we will be able to catch up at some point over the coming weeks as it would be great to hear all their news. Time does fly then after a while you think it is far to long a distance, although we do keep in touch with Christmas cards!
So today will be restful for me, also I don't seem, touch wood, to be suffering any sickness etc from the chemo as yet, so at least that is one thing going in my favour.
Yesterday too I was just saying I think I am fit enough to maybe go to a shop or something, I guess that has been taken off the agenda for a while.
I hope you all have a good weekend, some more good news too, another few corks popped or glasses clinked last night as scan results came back Stable. Especially to Esther and Jimmy, that was one the the best results to lift us all for a good long time to come.
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