Christmas Day 2011, would I have dreamed I would still be here back in 2008. I am still unsure whether the operation was too early and if delayed, would it have brought more time this side or was it too late hence its return. Wish we had a crystal ball sometimes.
Last night I had a strange dream, I was talking to myself in the mirror and I was saying 'it wouldn't have made any difference' so it is obviously on my mind when I don't even think it is!
I hardly ever go back and read what I have written but I was checking out my thoughts in 2008 at Christmas, I wonder if I had started it back in 04 what would I have written then. I believe the blogs have been a way of helping me through these days of happiness and torment. We live 3 monthly always waiting for the next scan date, the next scan results, the next line of treatment. We can never let go of the 3 monthly cycle that we have become apart of.
I seem to live in hindsight and always seem to wish I had done this or that. Since October my stomach has been fine, but 21st December I woke up with that horrible feeling, so once again back on the sulfcrate or whatever its called. I have got use to not waking up with it that I have forgotten how good it feels, until it has come back. Its the same with the meso, you forget how good life is when you are in remission - probably because we are always worrying that in 3 months we will be told its back!
Come what may I aim to enjoy this next year, I have so much I want to accomplish - new designs for a small housing development is the main one (that's if I can sell the ones we have built!), learn how to use my D3s camera and take mountains of photo's of the dogs and whatever else I can catch.
I take my hat off to those on trials at the moment, Tess Gulley seems to be doing ok and maybe this drug just might be the answer to our prayers. In the meantime I was told that it would be unlikely for any hospital to allow a non UK registered Doc to work in any of our hospitals. No wonder we never get far in advancements!
On that note I am off to enjoy my day, lunch out with old friends (in both ways!)
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