Infuriating pain

It's been an odd ball last 9 days or so.  My heart pain subsides then returns then subsides, its like a merry go round but much worse.  I had a course of antibiotics, for a chest infection, which bloods must have confirmed as no other action was needed, but I fear that this new heaviness is here to stay.  The headaches haven't improved that much either, both signs of meso prior the operation.  I know that I shouldn' complain because I can still function and although I have other pain issues they seem to have faded into the background and let these stand out!

I haven't been out with the dogs the only good day we didn't have any wind was Tuesday but it was freezing, I only went back to work on Thursday and did a couple of hours, and felt guilty because my desk was piling up with work that I must get sorted.  The accountants rang and asked when my 3 year ends would be done for one of the groups ... only 1 month left to complete them so I must get them done,  and already its year end of our main Company end of Jan.  I just can't focus long enough to complete a single task!

Lexi has come into season early and the last couple of days Bear has stalked her every move, back to the ear washing and the constant sniffing.  It is terrible for the boy,  Lexi is too old for the op and I don't want to chop Bear.  Hopefully another day and their hormones will settle down, I have suggested sending Bear on holiday while she's in season but hubby doesn't think it will do him any harm. I said to him it must be similar to a man on Viagra and no woman in sight.

Scan date has come through end of Feb, so it will be 4 months since the last one, I know I'm worried but haven't discussed it with anyone.  If it comes back the same as the last one I will be over the moon but I daren't think to much especially with all this chest nonsense that I have at the moment. 

And life carries on, at times I can't believe that meso can be so destructive in such a short time and then you get reminded when someone dies within a short period of finding out.  A friend's friends father died within 10 days of being diagnosed just before Christmas, they had the shock of meso then loosing him all within 14 days, that's a lot to come to terms within.

Looking out at the tree's I know I wouldn't be stepping over the threshold today, another blustery day up North.  At least Hubby and dogs will have fun over the fields.......