Time to think

Having had a busy Monday to Wednesday and not much accomplished I was expecting getting somewhere on Friday as I was at the Bobby Robson Cancer Clinic on Thursday.  To be honest I didn't know what to expect on Thursday, I guess I thought there would be several other people invited for us to listen to a presentation of the new trial.

We were met by a research nurse who sat us in the lounge, Gary kept his eyes down as chemo was being admitted to several people. We were taken into a quiet room where another nurse explained what the trial was about

Unlike the Adam's trial there wasn't 60 pages of information explaining why it was sponsored, what it was actually targeting etc.  We were given a 4 page hand out that really doesn't explain that much.  I can tell you that 20 healthy volunteers have tried the drug and a couple had severe rashes on their faces, neck and shoulders.  Upset stomachs and nausea were also side effects. 

I just don't know what to think or what to do, I am slow growing with new area's at the moment but yesterday I felt terrible, whether its coming down from working hard, receiving the results, knowing that my life isn't how it should go I don't know but I wasn't myself at all.  To add insult to injury my breathlessness was painful too, how can being breathless be painful?  In some ways I just wish it was all over but thankfully this is just a passing thought.  I just don't want to feel worse, my stomach is back playing up so have once again started the sulfcrate but I don't really think this does anything for the excessive bile.

I know we all go through days like this and I am sure by Monday I will be back to my normal self.  I just can't understand how anyone who is healthy would want to try a drug that can do you harm?  Thankfully there are people out there but still they deserve an award.

Oh well, Saturday night is here and I wish I could hide my head in the Sand or run away to somewhere where I don't have mesothelioma days!