It started off good .....

Another night of undisturbed sleep until 6.45 when that call of nature came but I stayed still so Gary could sleep a little longer, bless he was doing the same.  We got up at 7.15 and I felt ok so while he made our morning drink I went into the office.  Silly really as sitting upright probably isn't the best way to start.  I moved back into the living room taking my IPad with me.

I was showered and dressed, just starting to dry my hair when the door bell rang, my district nurse had arrived to the that important U&E test, please God let my potassium be ok.  Anyway as I walked to the living room I was so breathless, the needle went in and to be totally honest I was still waiting for that jab into my vein, my blood was already on its way out.  Well done, the best needle I have ever had.  

We were just finishing up when that nasty pain started just right of my centre chest, it shot into my right boob, within five minutes I had my morphine tablets in, I took 60 believing I would get straight on top of the pain.  No, instead it increased with intensity.  Luckily I now have injectable morphine here, my nurse rang a colleague as they have to administer it with two people.  One phone call and less than 5 minutes later one of my other regular nurses arrived.  By now the pain was hitting no 9, to me that is the meso having a growing spurt, unfortunately creating fluid in the pericardium which then puts a strain on the top heart muscle.

I must admit I did swear quite often during this period, something I don't make a habit of, so apologies if either of my nurses read this.  The injection is faster than tablets but it went into my muscle not my vein, so again a waiting game.  It stayed intense for another hour, my temp registered at 34.9, it's a long time since I have been that low.  I had to take more oral tablets.  My nurses left and said they would ring in an hour, if the pain was the same they would come back and inject some more.  It took 2 hours in total for the pain to get to no 4 on my pain scale, by then I was worn out but my eyes were extremely heavy from the morphine.

These are the one session pains I hate, prior to surgery I went through this every 10 weeks, now it seems they are coming 3 weekly, at least it's out of the way for Christmas.  My nurse rang after an hour but I told him I had taken some oral and the pain was stable then.  He rang back another hour later but wanted to speak to me, just in case I had taken or had to much.  By 1 pm the pain was totally under control but boy was I tired.  You really think your heart can't function anymore.  The biggest reason why we die of heart attacks is the pain,  

Poor Gary is now shattered, his adrenalin raced through his body which also leaves him shattered.  We were pleasantly surprised this early evening when my nurse rang just to ensure I was ok, if not he was prepared to come back over as his shift was finishing.  

Gary needed to go out so I rang Claire to come from work, I had plenty of finished work I could give her to take back, plus she brought all my post.  It was also ideal so I could give her and Ann my Christmas presents, together with chocs for the office.  I think he was relieved Claire came.  

Linda and I had a few minutes on Skype to wish each other happy hols, that lady is always busy but always makes time for others.  Please don't forget to light candles for those you love and lost on the ADAO website.  I have no idea how to copy a link on IPad but I will add it later.

I have had no appetite at all today, due to morphine, no doubt at midnight I will suddenly be hungry!  So as the day has become night my great expectations of today flew out of the window, I guess I have learnt a lesson, never plan!

Tomorrow I go for my CT Scan, I just hope it shows some of the meso is shrinking.  My brother, Nev, is going to drive so we don't have to struggle offloading me and the wheel chair.  I must admit Gary does love pushing me around.  Yesterday we went down a bank, I had my arms out like an airplane as we took the bends!  We were both laughing, it certainly is another memory to keep.

I am now really tired, my concentration is wiped so I bid you mall good night.  I am sorry that I do write what it is like having this and how painful it can be, but please remember not every loved one go through this.