Try and be Stable Meso

I went to see my oncologist last night, the one who organised my radiotherapy for the 3rd Boob.  We discussed me having a NHS team back in place and what everyone's views were.  Importantly, he asked what mine were about what is happening or not.

In my own mind I am giving chasing the treatments a break, It has been 3 months since the last treatment and 9 since needles were prodded inside.  I left a copy of the scan and asked him to review it, and give his thoughts.  Whether he does give them to me is another question and I kind of know the answer because he never does.

I have this terrible habit of going back over everything and wondering did I do that too soon, should I have waited or did I do it too late! I waste my energy on things I can't do anything about.  It's like the operation, I was ill at the time, but looking back I wonder if I was as ill as I was .. you know what I mean.  Could I have held back but then would I still be here?  My oncologist tells me he wouldn't have dreamed going through it before but after knowing me, if he had to make a choice he would seriously consider it.

So at the moment I am just going to enjoy the forthcoming months, keep checking up on what is going on out there, but then I am still worried that I miss out on getting on a trial that would work and miss the boat!  I pray this friend of mine stays slow and starved of whatever it needs to grow.

I keep being told I am one of a few to have survived like this, I say I know quite a few, but out of the 20 or so I know, how many others don't we know how haven't made it past 2 years?  Not everyone blogs and no specialist will ever tell you.

On that cheery note, better get in the shower and off to earn my keep!