Sunday, 29 August 2010

Summers Gone

I can't believe a month has passed so quickly.  I have to hold my hand up and say that I have well overdone things over the past 4 weeks and am suffering for it greatly.

The first week we were able to start moving into the new kitchen I went crazy, washing everything before it was put in its place, moving stuff in and out of cupboards and then moving it again.  Bending and twisting, but I was on a pure high, the new layout of the house lifted me mentally and for the first time in such a long time I really felt alive.  Then came redoing the old Kitchen to make it my office\den for the winter months so when I don't want to go out in the fierce North East of England's weather I can cozy up at home and work with a log fire burning in the hearth.  I was still so on a high that I decided I was going to paint it.

For all those out there with this cancer or in remission (like me after major surgery) this is a no no and I should have known better.  What once would have taken a day and a half to do the ceiling and walls took 5 days, I wouldn't be beaten and kept pushing and pushing.  My ribs felt not only had they still been kept in concrete but steel rods had been forced through them, my diaphragm (false one) has done nothing put stab me and I had pains in my back where I never imagined you could.  But I had started and I had the bit between my teeth. 

Before the pain really hit in I also went for my results, my first words to my consultant were "I have never felt so good" (the high was still in place) so he said "Well what does it matter what your scan says" so I have no idea what my scan said.  Obviously, since the high disbursed my mind has started thinking allsorts!

I ended up taking a day off work because I didn't have the strength to move and the pain was eating at me mentally as well as physically and still I am suffering.  Ten days of a high and ten plus days of feeling ill .. not a good pay off, but on the bright side the office is nearly ready and once the carpet finally arrives, I will have the house back to normal.

The other thing I have noticed again is I can't get warm, considering it is still summer'ish, I am back in thick clothes but still cold.  I had also hoped that all this exercise of painting would have improved the look of my bony arms and put some muscle back but instead they look even thinner.

I swear if Bear wanted to he could break my puny arm when he puts it in his mouth, I don't know why he thinks my arm is a retrieve article but when I come home he rushes down the path and grabs my arm.  If my shrinkage keeps continuing he won't realise its my arm in there and bit it off!

Why did I get a newfoundland, they hate the heat and I keep turning the heat up and hubby (who is always hot) keeps turning it back down saying the dogs are too hot! 

My brother's results are sort of in, he has plaques, the beginning of asbestosis, COPD and asthma.  What a set we are, but my main worry is how he will cope with having MS as well.  I must say that since he knows what is wrong he seems much more happier.  I think he was worried in case he had full blown mesothelioma, but having what he has would send me scurrying into the nearest whole and never wanting to come out again.  Now I have to wait and see how my other brother's xray's come back because he is suffering the same symptoms as our Nev.  It would be terrible if all three of us have been affected by asbestos so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I was regretting us booking our hol to go to Dubai next month but now that my body aches so much I am certainly looking forward to getting the hot heat of the sun blasting into each and every bone, the only problem is that by the time you come back on the plane the holiday is forgotten and the journey ruins everything.  All that getting better is instantly replaced with uncomfortable body positions and the cold weather when we get home!  I just hope I don't end up with another breathing problem this time.  On one hand though I hope that by resting up I will re find that high I had before I messed up with painting and cleaning. 

I did discover something strange though, I am right handed, my operation and meso is on my left, yet when I clean my left hand is the doer, even painting I seem to use my left more than right .. I kept trying to correct this and use my right but it didn't work as good as my bad side .. how weird is that?

Keep fighting and keep well everyone ..... and no decorating allowed THATS AN ORDER