Being a Judge

I have been asked to be a judge for a essay competition on Mesothelioma, if anyone is still wanting to apply for a school scholarship in the USA you can reach it here.

 

So yesterday I sat and read through the essays that have been submitted to date, better start now before the competition finishes.  This will give me an idea of what to look for and if I have to re-read the ones I have already read it doesn't matter as with my memory I will think I am reading them again for the first time.

 

Yesterday I had a really bright day, what with Gary and I flying solo with the draining then Liz came over on the afternoon and we finally, yes finally, finished editing The Vial of Darkness.  I just need Lauren to do the final art work for the cover and hey I will publish book 2.  I am not sure whether to bother with Kindle as I only sold 16 and am still waiting for the USA funds to be paid.

 

I must get sorted and send a cheque to Chris for the sale of the books my friends and I have sold out and about, I wonder whether I should have just written Chris a cheque for the costs and forgotten about the book but I did enjoy writing it and from some of the feed back I have had many people have really enjoyed the story line and of course the book.

 

The weather changed drastically here, the Northerly winds are full on, last night I couldn't sleep and although Gary was sound asleep I just couldn't nod off.  I got up at 12.00 and made some hot chocolate, this didn't do the trick either but I made my way back upstairs about 12.45, I stayed awake for a while listening to the wind chimes outside and feeling sorry for the wild life that have gone from hot evenings to freezing cold nights in 24 days.

I didn't get up at 8 because of such a bad night, I also had severe sweats and still haven't managed to buy those clothes I have been told about.  I did, however, wear PJ's and they took the brunt of the dampness.  Gary arrived with a cup of Tea at 9.30 and said "Sweetheart you had better get up"  What I thought! 

No sooner had I showered this morning the District Nurse was here, Heather is the head of the nurses and it was her turn to visit.  She asked how our arms were off yesterday's flu jab, now I remembered why lying on my left arm hurt!  She told me she was so happy to see such a change in me, and again what a difference a week can make.  We flew solo again but  tomorrow is dressing day so Gary has already excused himself from helping.  Another litre was wanting to gush out but I slowed the flow again.  I capped at a litre, its enough so that the tube doesn't poke my inner organs.

My Macmillan nurse also told me yesterday that the letters regarding treatment have still not been sent out to the oncologist, so hence I am still in the waiting place.  Hopefully they will go this week, its nearly 2 weeks or more since I saw Prof F and in this day and age you would have thought the post would have gone.  Although he is a busy man, with waiting lists, new patients and of course trials.

So hubby has gone out with the dogs, which brings me to Lexi.  She is drinking water during the night then peeing on the carpet.  Towels have been put down but somehow she always manages to choose a place where they aren't.  We have wooden floors too, but oh no she chooses the living room.  It stinks of ammonia, I know she is failing and you can't really do anything.  Closing the living room door would mean she would start somewhere else and then another floor is ruined.  Thing is Gary isn't as good at carpet cleaning as I am, he thinks one rub and its done.  Me I would soak it with water and then wash before sucking it up with the carpet cleaner.  I can't teach him though, as he won't listen nor I can do it as scrubbing makes me so breathless.  My house will become smelly and I can't stand that.

On that note the blog is done for today.  Its onwards and upwards here and I hope the same around the world for everyone battling through this journey of uncertainty.  My heart aches with each new name that appears on face book or who contact me directly.  Why so many needless deaths and so many of us suffering with such a terrible cancer and yet we are still pretty much ignored world wide.  Will asbestos ever be banned completely and who will pay to clean up all the asbestos out there waiting to kill the next victim?  You can bet the millionaire companies who profited from it won't be putting their hands in their pockets will they,
 

Progress but sad news too.

It took some 3 hours or more to write the blog yesterday, I started and stopped and rested and just as I finished it and Gary had took the dogs out the door bell rang.

 

I was still in my dressing gown, the pain in my shoulder and side both unbearable that I hadn't wanted to move and shower.  Now the District Nurses had arrived and there was only me.  I let them in and apologised for being lazy, they asked about the drain and I ended up breaking down in tears, telling them the problems with the NHS and how I had been discharged and never heard from them again.  It all started over how many drains had James Cook discharged with me.  I said none the rep from PleurX had given us two but I hadn't been admitted let alone discharged and so the tale began, going back to July.

 

I didn't want to drain off yesterday, one because my wound is sore and the other because I only had 2 drains.  The drains were ordered from the manufacturer for delivery today, which have arrived, Dan the male nurse said right 'lets drain it off''.  

 

I am sure I have trapped a nerve in my shoulder, all through the procedure I kept my arm above my head and at times fisted my hand, pulling the body into an awkward shape.  So trying to get my arm in a comfortable place and not hurt my side, which any turn was also painful was a nightmare.  Finally we managed to get the dressing off, wow was that pleasant - not!  The wound is neat but sore and some bruising is appearing but under that suntan its hard to tell.  The drain connected and I started draining.  Although my stomach looks to be holding some 2 plus litres I only managed to get 700 out.  If I hadn't had any drains coming I would have bent this way and that to try and dislodge the fluid but I accepted defeat and we unhooked.  Mind 700 isn't a small amount.

 

They left us and I sat for the rest of the afternoon on the sofa watching mindless television.  My body hurting but relief that I won't need to undergo any more pain.

 

Lisa, my friend from America sent me a beautiful vase of flowers together with a teddy bear, at first we had no idea who they were from as no name was given and I even phoned the shop who told me they had no info but even if they had they would be unable to tell me who they were from.  Great!  But a message on face book cleared up the mystery.  I now have a mascot which I am trying to name.

 

I took a good cocktail of pills to go to bed with, exhaustion doesn't stop pain getting into your sleep and I needed to make sure I had a good night. 

 

This morning Gary took a sad phone call.  A lady I have become good friends with died last night from her mesothelioma.  Lesley was never a computer user, we would talk weekly on the telephone and keep each other updated with life.  We had planned to meet up this summer and have coffee but things always went wrong.  Lesley lost her husband this year then her mam, then I was ill.  She had gone through surgery but never seemed to get her breath after that.  I kept telling her to get in touch with Liz or go back and see her doctors.  She always told me she had and things were fine but they weren't.  She was only 61 and this last year had lost nearly 2 stone, her doctors weren't exactly giving her tonics that would get her weight back.  She was very religious and I hope that she is now at peace and with her husband, George, in heaven.

For Lesley
 

I had better try and shower before the District Nurse arrives, one thing that did happen yesterday they have contacted the MacMillan Nurse and I am now back on the books of having one.  She will be out next Wednesday afternoon to meet me.  It's been a long time since I had a MacMillan nurse, hopefully my new one knows something about mesothelioma.  Although Liz thinks I probably know more about pain of meso than the nurse will do and I bet she's right but I hope not, it would be nice if someone could give me something I knew nothing about and it took the nasty pains away.

 

One thing that cheered me today in the post we received a wedding invitation, my friend Dawn's son, Dan.  He is marrying his sweetheart in Plymouth.  I am shocked that Gary and I are invited as we haven't seen Dan for years and feel so privileged to be thought of on such a special day.  Fingers crossed we will be able to make it.