We are lucky

I was at work yesterday and released that over the years nothing much has really changed in my life, apart from taking painkillers, having had major surgery and all that comes with meso but there I was still sitting at my desk where I have been for at least the last 24 years. 

Its past 12 years since I first collapsed at work where I couldn't get any oxygen and my lung felt totally stuck, but in those 12 years my life in its day to day routine hasn't really altered that much, apart from if I don't feel right or am cold I just don't go to the office. 

How could I not be lucky having such a great hubby and when you look at this fellow how can you not smile when he comes bounding over like an exocet missile.



The worry of this cancer and its growth is never far away from us, even if we don't think about it or mention it, someone throughout the day will.  My new approach is to have a picture in my mind to make me smile.

Countdown is on for Steve's next X-Ray, I like the rest of your readers are rooting that the results are once again stable so you can relax for Christmas.

To everyone else with meso I hope that your results are stable or at worst be the same as me, slow growing just wish we could starve it!

Have a good day

Meso Pills take away the fun

It was truly great to feel the sun on my bones although like normal I jinxed the weather and we had a thunderstorm on Saturday.  Why is it that our lives are so different now to before.  I had a couple of drinks on Friday afternoon while travelling to have the worst headache on Friday night.  I left hubby and friends in the bar enjoying the warmth of the evening air and went to bed.  The only thing I can complain about the hotel was the hard pillows and beds.  My back ached the next morning and so did everyone else's.

My stomach wasn't that great either on the first morning away and the panic of am I doing the right thing booking a week away with the girls jumped into my mind but on Sunday I felt a lot better and thought Jan get on with it.  Live girl otherwise what's the point.  At least if you have rotten guts in Greece you have the warmth and the sunshine!

I looked at every picture I could of the hotel outside - each sunbed looked covered in a 2inch mattress instead of just plastic, by the pool they had soft ones but on the Sunday by the sea front we had to request a mattresses from the pool area. (No sun on the pool area until 2pm)  We were granted to have one after tracking down the Assistant manager but then I started other guests requesting them, so if I go next year I doubt they will comply.  Why can't we have comfort on sunbeds?  Although I guess many people don't have skinny bones that are misshapen and hurt to lie on!

On the way home I managed to whack my tender meso tumour with the seat belt buckle and it brought tears to my eyes (I don't wear seatbelts in cars) and for hours the thing ached.  When we got home Bear was so excited he knocked me flying and nearly broke my nose, sending blood spurting all over the place!  Was it worth it, yes just for 2 days of lying in sunshine I did feel better.  Food wasn't too much of a problem as I eat very little but the choice is much easier in Spain than Dubai, did I drink - no after having such a rotten headache on Friday I sipped one drink for hours on an evening. 

Hubby thinks I have changed and wants the olde me back, what can I say, I can't come off the minding\mood changing tablets without cold turkey and that my friend will not happen again, but these same tablets also don't agree with alcohol for me so Tea Total looks like the only way forward unless I want the worst headaches - I have had 2 of them now and both after having just a couple of drinks. 

Whoever said life was easy was a total liar, honestly some people don't know they are born when they roll out of bed and feel normal, I truly wish I was one of them, I can taste the envy in my mouth!

6 days and I do it all again with the girls, although I don't fancy the longer flight to Greece, but then we are staying for 7 nights and not 3. 

On another bad note, my CT scan still hasn't arrived, it will be so out of date by the time I receive it, if ever.

Keep up the good fight, wherever possible, and yes I am luckier than some at the moment as I'm not having to deal with chemo and for that I should be and I truly am grateful.

Picked myself up

I managed to pick myself up on Saturday, whether it was will power or not I don't know but after I had a shower I put one of those pain patches on my left bottom ribs and that seemed to remove the feeling of being stuck.

Sunday was a much better day, even managed to walk the dogs in the wind, although it did take my breath away a couple of times.  Although walking the dogs wasn't that difficult as Bear didn't want to wander far from Lexi and she didn't want to wander far from us.  Poor Bear is so frustrated, he hasn't a clue really what to do just knows that his body has to do something. 

I had quite a disturbed night with him, he was barking on and off all night crying for her to come to him and scratching at doors.  At one point when I came down the stairs to him I slipped and fell back over, giving my head a whack on the stairs. 

Since Wednesday the meso lump felt like it was really improving but last night I noticed I had quite a few fire flare pains and the lump seemed to weigh heavy on my chest.  I do hope the treatment has worked.  Over the weekend I spoke to Chris Scott who was diagnosed the same time as me, he is half way through his 3rd round of Alimta.  The nausea seems worse this time was his only complaint, not sure whether there is more to that but Chris always seemed to tolerate the treatment well.

Alimta seems to do the job with his meso, he was telling me he had growth of some 7mm and that they decided to start the chemo straight away.  Fingers crossed it carries on doing its job for him.

Better try and get a work head on this morning, not that I feel like going in at all.  Think I might take Bear in with me and give both dogs a break, Lexi from having her ears washed out and Bear from panting constantly.

live for the moment as they say .....

Meso Action Day

What a beautiful two days we have had UP North, I actually managed to spend some time in the garden, yesterday just reading info on the new Chief Architect x3 program (wish I understood more about CAD) while hubby did this and that.  I did have a go on pushing the lawn mower but he only let me do 6 runs, I think he thinks I can't cut grass, its only a machine you push up and down for God sake! 

I did have fun getting the blaster out and giving Bear and Lexi a good air clean, although Bear just wanted the thing in his mouth again.  I was amazed at the dandruff in our Lexi's coat.  Both hubby and I burnt though, we had cloud cover on and off must of the afternoon so didn't think about sun lotion .. oh well.

Had a couple of hours out this afternoon, sweeping the paths and giving a bit of a tidy up, I had planned to read another 5 chapters of this guide but felt guilty just sitting.  I hope this weather stays, the lovely warmth on the bones brings the best out in me, but then again I am a cold bod ..  Hubby is suffering with the heat.

Did you realise it is Action Day this weekend, since it was changed from February I don't seem to notice it coming up.  I haven't really heard anything about what is organised this year either.  I did receive a copy of the mesothelioma news today but it didn't have much info in regarding events around the country.

I did mention the ADAMs trial, I would have expected more than 13 on it.  The only thing about trials is the fact you could end up taking nothing and hence wasting precious time having other treatments.  I still don't understand why people who don't want to follow a treatment regime can't be used as the "without".  I know a couple of people who don't want to do anything about treatments yet and these would be great candidates to mark and match against those who are willing to give new drugs a go.

On Saturday I had a pain back in my heart region that resembled the ones I had before surgery, the additional morphine took it away but I am hoping it isn't my friend back in the pericardium.  I don't know whether the meso can grow on a false membrane and must remember to ask John Edwards.  Other than the usual I have felt lifted, probably because of the sun.  Stupid really that a little sunshine and heat can make all the difference to how you feel.

My thoughts are with Alan and Heather at this time, if you do pray can you please ask for them too. 

Back to my next 5 chapters, if anyone works with Chief Architect can you please give me some pointers on layouts and default sets and sets that just keep appearing on the drop down box!!!!!  I am sure that as I have grown older I understand manuals even less.

Hope the sun stays shining for us all and the heat is beneficial to you all.