Thursday, 23 September 2010

Hot Weather - Strong Winds - High Humidity

I thought what better way than to unwind after a long day on the beach than write a bit on the blog!  (Sad I know).  I have to say that I have felt so much better, the bones haven't ached as yet and the hotel have provided me milk so a bottle before I go to bed is helping and the sun and heat is marvellous.  The strong winds are a little  problem as I need to keep my head down so as not to be overwhelmed by the breeze.  I must admit though that the humid air last night did make breathing a little harder and at one point I felt like I wasn't breathing anything useful in.

What a small place this world is, sitting next to us on the beach are a mother and daughter, after a little bit of a chat we discover that my nephew goes to school with her daughter, the odds of that happening are what? 

Had a few frantic minutes in the airport.  I was carrying my tablets in handbag for safety but got stopped at the xray machine, my handbag showed that I was carrying something illegal.  My heart stopped .. I have all the paperwork in handluggage but lets face it you have armed guards and they open your side pocket and 40 morphine tablets fall out .. not good is it.  The young lady was quite slow at picking through the internal contents in the middle of my handbag and the young solider asked if I had a laser pen .. I don't even know what one is but I pulled our my E cig - it had to be destroyed and I was led off to the detained goods office.  As we were walking behind the solider I made hubby open up the hand luggage and threw my tablets in!  I was envisaging a strip search, my tablets been taken away and kept there till morning when they could phone the Department of Drugs to verify my permission to bring in my medication.  But then you start wondering if they have changed the laws since last May and you have to keep reapplying for permission.  Thankfully my e cig was the only thing taken and my handbag was not checked again!  I don;t know what it was that sparked the interest although I did have hubby's lighter in there as well.

Have already made three calls home as Lexi is having a little bowel trouble again, the good news is that she isn't biting her bum or her foot and the girls are getting loads of loves, especially off Bear Boy.  I forgot to prewarn them about his nightly habit and yesterday morning I woke up thinking I should have warned them and found myself laughing.

His habit, which is now nightly because I laugh so much, is trying to shove is nose up your bum when you are trying to get ready for bed.  You are fighting with your clothes to keep his nose out and for you to get changed, it looks like something off a dance floor routine turning this way and that.  He wags his tail and finds the whole experience exhilarating as he has me dancing around him one hand holding the front of my top down and the other holding the back down.  It can take upto 10 minutes to get from the toilet into bed dodging him this way and that.  So when I rang yesterday I said 'by the way Bear has this habit on a night of ' and I got back 'We know, we experienced it and thanks alot for the warning not!'  Funny how he doesn't do that to hubby ......

Time for our Peach Wine (non alcoholic) and a canape or two before a quick shower then out for a couple of drinks.  Looking forward to meeting up with our friends over here, unfortunately that won't be till Saturday but at least we will have some kind of suntan by then.  Sitting in the shade with factor 50 on. 

Well had better get a move on, shower is calling to clean my skin of the sand and lotion.  Will probably loose another 300 hairs from my head when I try to comb it after washing it.

From a very happy meso person who isn't in pain (for a change) have a good night


Sunday, 19 September 2010

Sunshine Calling

All it takes is a couple of days and I bounce back to being my annoying self again.  My couple of day's of self pity bugged me but am pleased to say that I am feeling physically a little better (daren't say too much as I seem to have the Midas touch on myself).

My eldest brother's CT has come back clear so he has no asbestosis and can't understand how when he has some of the same problems our Nev has.  But I have to say I am really pleased they found nothing, two of us with chest disease is bad enough.

Am dreading leaving the dogs for the week while we are away but I know that the girls will do a good job of  looking after them.  Chris is treating the experience as a holiday .... I don't think she realises she will need one after looking after them!  Thankfully Lorraine is going to sleep over to so Chris won't have to manage on her own.  It's quite strange when you stay at someone's else house when they aren't there.  I use to dogsit\housesit for both my brothers years ago and found it odd being on my own without them around.  At least if they fall out over what to watch they have a choice of  two lounges to sit in!

The sweats seem to have calmed themselves down again and at least for the last 2 nights I have had a reasonable dry'ish time, just damp instead of soaking.  I think the night sweats take it out of you more than you realise.

Have been back out with hubby and the dogs over the fields the last 3 nights and have really enjoyed it, although am wearing 4 layers of clothing already.  So much looking forward to the sunshine and heat that Dubai will give, then the only problem is coming back to the cold weather here.  I am worried about flying, if we have to circle again will this affect my lung like last time.  I know one thing if I have the same sensations as before when I get home I head straight to my mother's and borrow her oxygen.

I am pleased to hear that Alan, having done well on chemo, is off on his hols again.  Danny is also doing well and is expecting their first grandchild, no doubt will be doing a lot of driving to spend as much time as possible with the baby.  It's fingers crossed at the moment for Cliff, but I know he will be ok - he is so positive.  I am hoping that he will go under Dr Abtin's care and have this patch cryo-ablated.

The Carer's day is October 2nd and unfortunately I won't be able to make it.  It would have been great meeting up with virtual friends and putting name's to faces.  I am sure it will be a good day, I wonder what the USA speaker will bring to the table.

Better get a move on, haven't done anything yet this morning.  Keep going everyone, we need our moans to keep us sane but we must always try and get back on top of them .... I will start to worry the day I don't bounce back.


Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Feeling Strange

Have had 3 nights of the dreaded sweats, you know the ones you wake up soaking wet, the sheets feel like they have just been through the washer and you forgot to spin them.  This morning I got up for work came down for a coffee and found myself going back to bed and slept for another 2 hours.  The last 3 days I have been that cancer cold.  Lying in bed this morning I prayed everything is ok because I just couldn't be bothered to have to start all over again chasing treatments or flying off to get any done.  I know in a couple of days this will pass but sometimes you just wonder why and what for.

We go on holiday soon and really I'm not that bothered about it either, if it wasn't for the thought of some sun on my bones I would quite happily stay at home, but then we aren't going to get any nice weather for another 8 months are we.  Ever have that feeling its going to be a tough time ahead?

Hubby has that worried look in his eyes and that 'you're doing too much' tone in his voice, but I just wasn't made to lie around all day.  Have worked from home Monday and Tuesday on doing some interior design work for some houses the Company's built.  Once I get a new project I am like a dog with a bone and can't put it down but today that doesn't hold any interest and the feeling of why bother has eroded into it.  I have loads of work sitting on my desk in the office and again I just don't want to be there either. 

Haven't got a copy of my scan to send off either, which in a way is eating me up, I am hoping it is clear but without being told you do wonder.  I asked my GP to ring me if he ever received the report .. yes still waiting.

The cold windy weather looks set to stay for a while and that restricts me from taking the dogs over the field, one because I get cold so easily and can't warm my back up, and two because the wind makes it impossible for me to get my breath.  You find you become a prisoner in your home when the weather is like this. 

It's healing today so hopefully that will give me a lift and then Thursday aroma therapy and before we know it Monday will be around again.  I honestly think time goes by much faster now than ever before.

Thursday night we ended up calling 999 for my mother, as she had a pain in her back then into her heart.  It turns out she had a water infection, but when she was discharged they had left the canola in her arm, sent her out without her own medication (which she took in) and the new tablets for her infection. This wasn't discovered until bedtime and getting anything organised at 8.30 was a nightmare.  I went back through to the hospital but the tablets couldn't be found, a District nurse was organised to come and remove the needle, this didn't happen till 11 pm at night!  Problem was last Thursday night I was having those heart pains myself, I think it was no 5 since they started a few weeks ago.  I just wanted to crawl into bed with some morphine and take the pain away instead of running around.  When I was at the hospital waiting to speak to the staff nurse I nearly asked to be admitted myself to check them out! (I know I hate hospitals).

Enough of me feeling sorry for myself, is this a normal thing that everyone has or is it just us with cancer that goes through days like this?  I need to eat more but food doesn't do anything for me, apart from adding more discomfort...

... better go otherwise I'll end up making you feel as bad as me.

Hopefully my next blog will be happier.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Changing Thoughts

Having overdone things and not received my scan results has left me up in the air. I decided to take today off after having such a bad night last night with my left side once again killing me. Every movement hurt, kind of like having a bad back but all the way down my side.

Tonight I heard one of my meso mates has had a new growth, out of the blue his rotten nasty meso has dared to return.... I was just thinking about him the other day and smiling because he had done so well and I was so jealous as he hasn't suffered pain anything like mine. Tonight my smile has gone and once again I am hurting because a friend is back in this terrible position. What does it take to rid ourselves of this cancer.

I know that I am probably over worrying which doesn't do any good and I said to hubby (before I knew the news) that on New Year's Day we are going to celebrate and next year we are going to make it our year, no operations, no re-organising the layout of the house just pure enjoyment and obviously work still, but it will be our year to relax. Within 3 hours of these thoughts I am back wondering if we will ever be free to just thoroughly have a good year.

Another meso mate Danny is now out of hospital but I haven't heard much more apart from he is feeling much better, I am sure he went through a terrible time when he wasn't able to catch his breath.

I also had news from Oz, Cher who is a gifted artist and did me a beautiful print off her oil painting of snowdrops (I Know Chris I keep meaning to run a print for the charity) has also emailed with news of her meso returning.  Is our average about 2 years do you think between treatments?  I had hoped in the early days that once we had chemo the meso would die and never come back .. wishful thinking and very naive but hopeful.  This hasn't been a good week.

Debbie and I have been corresponding with a lady from the USA who is looking at both cryo and embolisation. She is currently on chemo and my heart goes out to everyone on it, going through chemo takes a lot out of you and a long time to get over. I am pleased to say that Alan came through his Chemo well and it did do what it says on the bottle .. he is thankfully back in remission. I wasn't that lucky second time around.

I must remember to ring the hospital tomorrow and get a copy of my scan to send to Dr Abtin, he wants to ensure that no tumour gets a head start.

Well its bed time, but if you would like to brighten yourself up look at this, a meso mate has just opened this shop and I hope he does well, I'm hoping it saves me a lot of time with Christmas shopping!

Thoughts to you all and keep meso free