Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Changing Thoughts

Having overdone things and not received my scan results has left me up in the air. I decided to take today off after having such a bad night last night with my left side once again killing me. Every movement hurt, kind of like having a bad back but all the way down my side.

Tonight I heard one of my meso mates has had a new growth, out of the blue his rotten nasty meso has dared to return.... I was just thinking about him the other day and smiling because he had done so well and I was so jealous as he hasn't suffered pain anything like mine. Tonight my smile has gone and once again I am hurting because a friend is back in this terrible position. What does it take to rid ourselves of this cancer.

I know that I am probably over worrying which doesn't do any good and I said to hubby (before I knew the news) that on New Year's Day we are going to celebrate and next year we are going to make it our year, no operations, no re-organising the layout of the house just pure enjoyment and obviously work still, but it will be our year to relax. Within 3 hours of these thoughts I am back wondering if we will ever be free to just thoroughly have a good year.

Another meso mate Danny is now out of hospital but I haven't heard much more apart from he is feeling much better, I am sure he went through a terrible time when he wasn't able to catch his breath.

I also had news from Oz, Cher who is a gifted artist and did me a beautiful print off her oil painting of snowdrops (I Know Chris I keep meaning to run a print for the charity) has also emailed with news of her meso returning.  Is our average about 2 years do you think between treatments?  I had hoped in the early days that once we had chemo the meso would die and never come back .. wishful thinking and very naive but hopeful.  This hasn't been a good week.

Debbie and I have been corresponding with a lady from the USA who is looking at both cryo and embolisation. She is currently on chemo and my heart goes out to everyone on it, going through chemo takes a lot out of you and a long time to get over. I am pleased to say that Alan came through his Chemo well and it did do what it says on the bottle .. he is thankfully back in remission. I wasn't that lucky second time around.

I must remember to ring the hospital tomorrow and get a copy of my scan to send to Dr Abtin, he wants to ensure that no tumour gets a head start.

Well its bed time, but if you would like to brighten yourself up look at this, a meso mate has just opened this shop and I hope he does well, I'm hoping it saves me a lot of time with Christmas shopping!


Thoughts to you all and keep meso free

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