Surprise MRI Scan

Friday turned out to be a very busy day.  I got showered reasonably early, well after I did the blog then Gary took the dogs, while he was out a delivery arrived with a present for him for Christmas.  As one door closed another opened as the Heather arrived, our District Nurse, to change the dressing and watch me go solo.  I couldn't do the dressing and the wound looks yak!  I handed over my meagre water sample, I could only just meet the requirement and that was my morning flow!

 

Gary came in part way through the draining so he helped plunge the drain and we were off, another litre gushed out but I capped again.  When Heather left Gary wanted me in the kitchen and together we started to prepared Carrot and potato soup.  It smelt divine but would be an hour before we could eat it so I had a protein drink.  The phone rang to say I was going for a scan, I queried this as I didn't know one had been booked but yes it was my details and I was there that evening.

 

The door bell went, I was expecting Hilary from my school days but no it was my GP, he had come to say he had booked me a scan on my spine to ensure nothing was pressing on the nerves making me not pee.  He stayed for a cuppa and we talked about plans for the future and what we were waiting for, then we talked about cooking, he has promised me a nice Indian Curry recipe that he cooks, can't wait.  He discussed eating and told me I need to be eating as much fat and protein as possible, I told him food didn't hold much of an appeal so he said eat lots of puddings etc as well.  Ok, will try that, I love treacle sponge!

 

We had a sneak taste of the soup, delicious, then the door bell again, Hilary had managed to find the house.  I was shocked, she hadn't changed since the last time I saw her at my nephews 6th birthday.  Why do some of us age and others don't.  She looked nearly the same as school too, I must ask next time how she has managed to stay so youthful.  We sat for a couple of hours, in fact I have no idea where the time went, and chatted as if it was yesterday.  Although Hilary spoilt me and the dogs.  She brought over a beautiful top that will float over my stomach and hide my drain - how does she know I hate shopping I wonder?  Along with some creams to help my skin with the stretching from the fluid.  The dogs got spoilt too, and boy could they smell them, poor Hilary didn't stand a chance with either of them sitting on top of her and pawing her waiting for the meaty strips to be given.

 

It was then time to go through the works traffic and get to hospital for 4.45.  It was done at the BMI Woodlands, on the NHS!  John, the head of radiology was sitting in reception and gave me a warm greeting, guess I have been there too many times now!  He told me that Dr D sent his regards, which was nice to hear.

 

The MRI is a large machine which can cause claustrophobia, the first time I had one was 2003 when I was sure I had endometriosis on my lung - if only!  The girl gave me a heart attack when she said it would be 55 minutes inside, I thought it was a quick picture.  I tried to get as comfy as possible, the ear plugs didn't sit very well in my ears and didn't really block the noise.  I tried not to think about my surroundings but you can't nod off because you will move.  Trying to stay perfectly still and stay awake is difficult.  At one point I had moved so the picture needed doing again. 

 

I counted to myself, I counted the machine clicking several times and I thought about meso quite a lot.  Probably that is why no one who is ill likes to be alone in these things, we can't get away from our thoughts and we can't go to sleep because it's easy to move.  I am sure I tightened up more as my shoulder started to ache, even though my hands were by my side.

 

I was sure my drain was pulling forward as the waves of the machine washed over my body and I wondered whether the cancer mass would be broken down then put back together again.  Strange what you think inside the tomb isn't it.

 

To be honest I was shattered when I came out of it, we got home and I settled for - wait for it - fish finger sandwich.  Gary had fish and both of us felt sick from the grease.  We collapsed for the night in front of the TV.  Thankfully we tape plenty so we had two scandals to watch, an excellent drama about the White House.

 

So today we went totally solo and drained another litre before I showered, I think it made showering easy.  I noticed again the odd shape I am, I am losing upper body weight faster than I can eat.  I am popping into work this morning while no one is around but my brother Nev.  At least I can sort my mail out and try and get a head a little.

 

I just read that Ray is starting Chemo again, Amanda I wish you both well on this journey you once again have to undertake, to all of you under treatment it is hard going but the results have to be worth it.  To Steve in Oz, he has just had a drain and is off on a cruise, hope he and Gail have a great time.  Tess has had excellent news, Stable at last! 

 

I wish that magic tablet was here now today but I have waited for this long, I'm sure next year it will come and we will all be saved.

Is it really Friday?

Last Monday seems a life time away and here we are and its Friday again, which doesn't seem right.  The week has flown in one way and gone slow in another.

 

I have had company nearly every afternoon and today is no exception, an old school friend is calling round.  After my book was up for sale in a local village shop she recognised my photo that the shop had used to publicise the book.  It should be an interesting and wonderful catch up.

 

I had Joyce over yesterday afternoon, no aromatherapy though, just a nice chat.  She brought my favourite's, her home made ginger snaps!

 

I have also discovered that bending down makes me breathless, up until last year I didn't really suffer breathlessness.  I was a pain only girl, but now I suffer both and I hate this, I don't like the breathlessness, it actually does hurt but not straight forward pain.  Something else to ask the Macmillan nurse, breathing classes.

 

The breathlessness will be one thing to go if the chemo, when I finally get it, will help and I will know if it is retreating and dying off.  At least we do get signs that things are working.  Gary said I should buy an oxygen thing for when I am breathless but then that will make my lungs extremely weak.  Not a good idea at this stage.

 

I am hoping to return to the office next week, maybe 11 till 2, but how do I stop myself from bending over and picking up files etc?  It is habit and one that I have done for as long as I was able to walk.  I can't keep asking my colleague next door to leave his desk and come into my office to lift a file from the drawer or the shelf behind me! 

 

I have woken up with that rotten feeling in my stomach again, I stopped taking the metroclop at 6 am, as I didn't think they worked but they helped me from feeling rotten for so long, so tomorrow I will be back on them.

 

I have to give a water sample too, this is day 3 since I was given the sample pot, so this morning I remembered, I only peed out enough to fill the thin tube, I am starting to worry as at most I am probably visiting the toilet 3 to 4 times and not going very much.  I just hope the body is working properly down there and hasn't been damaged due to the excessive weight that was crushing my organs.  The sample is to see if I have an infection, which I doubt very much, but I hope I do.

 

I have lots of new twinges in my body, my left side now has a stitch, another new area of discomfort, I feel like I have a small sheet of hardness just along from my naval and down slightly to the left along with this strange sensation in my left pelvic area.  It will be interesting to see if the Oncologist actually goes through my scan with me when I see him and see if these areas are now meso or just nerves being disgruntled.

 

I was in trouble last night as I hardly ate, I had a sausage roll for lunch, had a craving but it wasn't nice, then we had dinner last night but I just couldn't eat a lot.  Hopefully my appetite will pick back up but I need to be eating much more.  The body is loosing vital vits and muscle due to the protein being stolen from my blood etc. 

 

I can't deny I am frightened still but at least I can now get on top of that fear and do something to put it back into my memory.  The worst thoughts come when I am lying in bed waiting to drop off to sleep.

 

Have just had a phone call, my doctor requested an MRI of my spine yesterday, I have no idea why unless it is to see if the nerve is still trapped in my L4-L5 and hence I can't visit the loo.  How efficient is that as I am going tonight for it.  It is even on the NHS!

 

So shower time is looming, I think today I will be using the stool as I need to wash my hair.  It is also dressing changing day and Gary has asked to be excused.  I don't blame him because actually seeing the drain reminds me life will never be the same again.  I have drawn a litre a day apart from one day when it was only 400.  That is a lot of fluid and there is still plenty left in the stomach as I won't let it go empty!

 

I received an email this morning telling me another warrior has lost his fight and gained those wings to heaven.  Peter Gallolgy was diagnosed in 2009, his first choice was no treatment and he did that for approx. 2 years, enjoying his life.  The meso started to grow faster so Peter then went on to Chemo, I haven't been in contact with him since Christmas when things were going well.  My thoughts go to his wife and children. 

 

On that note I hope a cure is found sooner rather than later, every day some one some where is diagnosed with this death sentence.  This is not our fault, its a man made killer that should have been researched before used in everyone's homes and workplaces.