Sunday, 23 September 2012

This week

I didn't want to return to work but once arriving into the office on Monday I was back into the swing of things.  One of my friends at work lost her sister to cancer while I was away, I think me appearing set her off again so I sent her home.  It was also her first day back since her sister died and I think with everyone saying Sorry and How are you made it worse.  Another day to pull together doesn't hurt anyone.
Hubby has come home a new person, shower has been cleaned, garden tidied up, house cleaned, it seems that whatever happened on holiday has sparked him into action.  I also think he is wanting to get on top of everything in case the decision gets made that I will be doing some sort of treatment.
I had to have my bloods taken at the Doctors, apparently my yearly check up, I also took the opportunity of getting hubby booked in, he keeps ignoring his yearly checkup letters, my flu jab is booked for Monday morning and hopefully the Doc will give me my results of the scan.  I know he was suppose to ring Friday evening but maybe something came up.
The stomach tablets seem to be settling this time, no headaches but full of wind.  This time I am taking them at 8pm instead of with my morphine, although I have just ordered something called Milk Thistle, it helps clean the insides and boost immunity, whether it does or not I will find out.
On facebook we have created a Page called Mesothelioma Blog's, its a onestop place where personal blogs and informative blogs can be reached without having to search google for anything new, hopefully we will be informed of others that we can link on it.
Yesterday was another sad day, I haven't stepped into mam's house for months.  We need to decide what we are going to do with it, so as hubby cut the grass I started packing ornaments and pictures away.  I just can't bear throwing things out.  Although we have sent both mam's and dad's clothes to charities and I did start on things I just can't get it finished.  I did throw out some stuff yesterday and made another box of goodies for charity but I just don't feel I can give it up.  My brother's need to be more involved because they don't hoard like I do.  I opened her top drawer in the bedroom where her scarfs and gloves were kept.  I have given some away but I just can't do the rest.  I came across an unopened pair of stockings, looking at the front of the packet I would say they were purchased sometime just after the war.  What do I do with those?
Today we woke up to this wonderful skyline
So we thought we will have a beautiful day, in fact the sky today should have been a summers day it was clear blue, although the temperature wasn't that good.

As I did face book this morning hubby cut down the bushes that block our view from the drive so once showered and dressed I came out and helped shred all the branches.  We spent some 2 hours tidying up the front and what a difference.  Mind the cars certainly come past our house at a fast speed, at one point one was that close I thought it was going to hit me.  They travel our road at some 60 mph when it should be 30 through the village.  One day last week I nearly did have an accident pulling in, the other driver tried to overtake me as I was indicating to turn right, she thought I was turning left.  Thankfully no one was injured and only a small scratch on her car, although she was quite shaken, heavens above why she thought I was turning left when my indicator was on right.
After a late lunch we took the mutts for a walk over the woods, I have a feeling Lexi is coming into season again, Bear can't stay away from her backend.  That's all we need, him wanting to clean her ears out with his thick drool going further into the ear and making her wax harder!
I haven't heard anything about the trial in Hull so have asked my GP to write and put me forward, I wish I knew what to do and if to do it at all.  I am hoping the meso hasn't grown much but I know that is in dreamworld and not this one, but its back to do I or don't I, do I wait again, it's been two years last April since Dr Abtin noted new growth.  Although I haven't been treatment free, having radiotherapy on my left boob and cryoablation on 4 tumours.
I am speaking at the Carers Day on 6th October, I will mention the benefits of cryo-ablation and hopefully get someone in the specialist side to think about it.  I know that the doctors in UCLA would be willing to come to the UK and demonstrate its use, in fact after speaking with Mavis I believe she would be a good candidate for this treatment.
We have to hold onto our faith that something will be out there for us, there are so many of us with this cancer and I read somewhere that they have now put back the date to 2020 when we will reach the height of this cancer, in 04 they said that by 2016 cases would be at their highest and then fall from then.  It just shows no one knows what they are dealing with.
Mesothelioma is the most under researched and strangest cancer there is, it doesn't have the same growth pattern in any patient, same response to treatment from one to another.  Symptoms aren't always the same, resistance to treatment varies, growth style even within the same strain doesn't match.  When I was diagnosed I had mixed strain and some unidentified, where does that leave us?
The thought of dying doesn't worry me as much as the way I am going to die, that is what scares me.  Sometimes Bear comes upstairs about 6 am to go out, I go down let him out and come back to bed.  When I get back into bed I sometimes find I can't breath and the fear hits that this is what it will be like as my card gets marked. 
Enough from me, I feel like I have written a book tonight instead of updating the blog.  I hope that all those on treatment get good results and those in remission stay there. 
If I have good news I will post a naked man running round Woolworth's window tomorrow, otherwise I will detail what has happened.
Hope you have had a good weekend and this week brings nice and unexpected things.

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