It has been a long week between hubby getting the cold again and me feeling under the weather. I decided to get myself off to the docs as this pain in my heart area was starting to annoy, even worse I ended up lifting my mst back up to 240 as I had ran out of 10's, I did try down to 90 but struggled and had a very painful night. My ribs ache constantly and can't decide whether this is the feeling coming back into them, especially egged on by my back massages, or something else has decided to grow. I am back on indigestion medication, which gives me a thick head on a morning, and so far the pain is still there. But we all expect miracles and expect one tablet to take everything away, I guess if it is acid eroding the muscle one tablet won't fix the problem so will have to suffer a thick head on top of the already annoying headaches.
I sent an email to Dr J Steele asking if the chemo mix used by Prof Vogl could not be introduced as an alternative for intravenous to Alimta, but to my surprise I haven't heard anything back, okay that was tongue in cheek! Infact I haven't heard how Dublin went or whether Prof Vogl's discussion was received well from our thoracic genius yet. I am sure at some point in time something will be released or we hear through the grapevine.
On a good note one of my best friends had her hip replaced on Tuesday, boy was I jealous, when I went to visit on the afternoon she was sat up in bed feeling as fresh as a daisy .. not the picture I expected, anyone who didn't know would have thought she was having an afternoon lazy .. I'm sure she has had her eyelashes dyed or had mascara applied as soon as she woke up! At least she is home and waiting anxiously for her daughter to give birth to her first grandchild. Poor kid has been in labourish pains now for 24 hours, guess with the first it takes some time.
I am sorry I have neglected the blog this week, I have heard from a couple of the meso circle who are under treatment and am sorry to say aren't doing that well with the chemo, for those who suffered on it you can understand how terrible they will be feeling for those who escaped the symptoms I am sure you are sending them your best. I am a great believer in thought creates an energy and this energy can be used to send some for of healing or compassion to those that aren't doing well ... sometimes its good to believe in something.
No pilates on Monday coming so maybe my ribs might start to settle a bit, there is always the hope in the back of my mind that this is what is causing some grief but then my right side doesn't hurt .. then I'm back to the argument that the right side is healthy and so it goes round and round.
I have thought that maybe I did return to work to early after surgery, after all it was just under 3 months but then my brain would have gone stir crazy. I have always been the same have major surgery and return to work to early and I have never learnt the lesson . so I will enforce it to you guys, if you go for surgery do not push yourself too hard and expect to be normal in 12 weeks, it doesn't happen.
I haven't taken a sleeping pill at all this week as I have been sleepy but my nights have been restless and filled with nightmares, maybe to get a good start to the week I may just take one tonight.
Finding the right programme last Sunday was a nightmare and I had meant to come back on the blog and tell you to go onto Iplayer to watch the slot on meso. To be honest it was the same old story, meso is certain death in the eyes of the PCT and spending money to enhance someone's life for a short period of time isn't really a priority or a good spending move for the trust. What about all the taxes and National insurance that has been paid in for this very reason. The politicians seem to try and blind sight us by making us believe the NHS and our pensions are free, well wake up mp's we know that our NI goes towards the NHS and our employers pay 12.8% on every penny we earn towards the NHS and our state pensions, where does all this money go. Lets face it a footballer is on £100,000 a week that's £12,800 in employers NI without blinking then there's his paye and NI, lets not forget he pays 12% upto £685 then 1% on every £1 after that, so in my reckoning Man United's first team (15 players based on a £100,00) on employers cost alone would bring in £192,000 that's how many chemo treatments? Sorry jumping on the bandwagon again!
It is Sunday so probably not a good idea to get worked up, need a brain for work this week. Just wanted to let you know I'm still here and still moaning!
Bear is moaning in the background, the room is to warm and he has sat out side for an hour, finding stones to chew, but I think he could do with a brush .. wonder how many fingers I will have left by the time I have finished brushing him tonight .. I know hold a treat in front of his nose so he doesn't chew the comb.
Take care all