Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Ups and Downs

Like everyone, the weather knocks me back and certainly puts me off going out.  On top of the cold I have been over working and ended up wearing myself out, hence 3 Sundays spent on the sofa feeling sorry for myself.  It scares me when this happens because I feel useless and wonder what I will do when I get to the stage that this is all that life has to offer.  I couldn't even find the energy to turn the computer on, but then you find yourself getting frustrated with yourself for not doing anything.  I do wonder what I would do to keep myself active when things start going downhill, I certainly knew that if I felt like I did on those days I wouldn't have the energy to fight. 

On a brighter note, or not, Lexi came into season and poor Bear has been beside himself these last 4 days because she is ready.  What beautiful pups they would be but alas Lexi is to old and Bear to young.  He has no idea what he should be doing, his idea of romance is licking Lexi's ears constantly or having his nose attached to her rear.  He stands panting next to her and driving us all mad.  I took him into work Monday and Tuesday to give him a break.  Hubby showered Lexi down to get rid of all the salva off her back and ears and hopefully block the aroma she is giving off, but it didn't work.  As soon as he came through the door he was at her ears and licking as if his life depended on it.  She is nearly over the period of come and get me and is back snarling today when he gets within biting distance.  Just hope he starts cooling down as I don't really want to get him done.

Another landmark that happened was my nephew's 18th.  This was something I didn't really think I would reach and I was as proud as punch when we all went out to dinner.  I hope that I get to be around to see him graduate from university.  He was trying to explain a joke about quantrum physics, overcourse it was lost on me, even moreso when he kept laughing to himself when he was telling it. 

Christmas is once again round the corner, I know that many of us don't particularly warm to this time of year, we have lost someone or we have been going through treatment at this time of year, but again it is always the start of new hope in the New Year and it's one in the eye for still being alive. 

I read something the other day about funding for drugs that only buy a period of 6 weeks additional life.  Again this is based on stats and Alimita was only suppose to give an extra 4 months, how many of us had an extra 12 months minimum.  I know I said I shouldn't get into the politics of it all but my blood is boiling again.  No funds because the NHS has to make cut backs, so the top boys in management ensure its treatments that everyday people will loose and they keep these stupid placed people employed where the higher wages go and us everyday people don't have a clue of their existence.  Under the NHS is your nutritionists, Liaison Managers etc.  I remember once even reading that the Trusts employed people to visit kitchens in hospitals to tell them how to serve food ... that's the jobs that should go and use that money to keep the nurses, doctors and treatments going.  When they say they can't afford to do operations, how, the surgeons are already employed, the theatre nurses are paid .. where does the cost come into it?  If no theatre is working do they stop paying the surgeons and nurses?

I haven't been for the flu jab yet, I keep meaning to ring up and get an appointment - So remember go and get yours.  I am also starting to worry that I haven't been given a scan appointment and only hope I get one in January, that will be a 6 month one, but I have a feeling it won't happen.  I have told hubby that if I have recurrence then I will sue the hospital\chest doctor for negligence as he/they are responsible for knocking my scan back.

Hopefully I will come across alot more happier next time on line

No comments: