Sunday, 18 March 2012

On the Up

Mother's Day, due to mam dying last March I hadn't realised it was here.  I had intended to visit the grave but the way I have been the last few days I didn't think it would be a good idea, plus my mam isn't in a grave, she never visited it so why would she be there?

The dogs gave me their card this morning and allowed us both a lie in, kind of, hubby got up at 7 to open the doors so they could come in and out as they liked. 

I know when I have my down and aching days that they will go and to be honest I should know they will but when you are in the midst of them you are worried that they won't go and I didn't make the most of the time before they arrived.  I know that tomorrow I will go back to normal and resume my work ethics life style, until my body can't take the pressure and my mind is on meso overload again.

I have to make my mind up about this trial but emotionally I haven't sat down with a clear head to think of the questions.  I have looked at other MEK trials and the results haven't been bad but not good either.  I guess it doesn't help that it isn't pointed at meso specifically either.   Having this stomach problem of excessive bile doesn't make me happy about drugs that will make me think I have hundreds of sores inside my stomach and someone is pouring vinegar over them, the pain from that is unbearable and this is my one and only worry.  Not bad considering some of the other side effects are fluid retention, rashes, eye problems and that's just for starters.

The weather was kind today so I went over the woods and thoroughly enjoyed our 90 minute walk with the mutts.  Bear has come back limping and I wish there was a way we could make his back leg stronger but I can't put him through breaking his knee and having them turn it round in the hope it would fix the problem.

Lexi I have to say looks a lot better but she has the biggest pile hanging out that I have ever seen, the vets won't touch it due to her other problem but I wish it could be solved, it can't be comfortable for her everytime she sits!

It has been 3 years since surgery and I just don't know where all that time has gone, I wonder what my life would have been like since 04 if it hadn't been meso but endo?  Would I have taken as many holidays and done the same as we have done but without pain, or would I have just worked and worked, the one thing I do know it would have been nice to have a life without pain and the worry of dying.  I guess when we get in our 80's we start waiting for God but not when we are younger. I remember my mam saying she wished her time would come over the last year of her life.

To those facing a week of treatment I truly wish it would be easy for you, for those in remission may God let you stay there and for those waiting for scan results please let them be good.  We need good news to keep us positive and I hope I can get my positive levels back full instead of three quarters.

At least the summer is on its way ...

3 comments:

nirmaladevi said...

Plz said how to treat Mesothelioma by ayurvedic? Is there any ayurvedic treatment for Mesothelioma?

Stanley Iola, LLP said...

We can certainly understand the confusion you are feeling, as a mesothelioma diagnosis is extremely overwhelming. It is good that you are still able to get out and be active with your husband and your dogs, and we hope that your words of encouragement can help others who may have been recently diagnosed and searching for an experience to relate to. We wish you the best as you continue with your recovery and hope that you continue to share your thoughts, as they serve as an important resource for other victims.

Anonymous said...

Jan I absolutely love this photo of you and the mutts. It needs to be framed I think. I expect small things like a favourite photo or a good book or a shared laugh with a friend will boost your mood and bring that positive fighting spirit back. You have such courage and strength, I hope that you are able to see that in yourself.
:)
xo Tracy