Saturday, 9 January 2010

I'm so cooolllddd!

I don't know about you guys but I just can't get warm, the heating is on 24 (far to hot for the dogs), Gary is making fires up in the little sitting room and the kitchen and the house still feels like a block of ice.  I even have marinawool leggins on, three layers including cashmere but my body temp is freezing.  I can't remember being hit this badly before with feeling cold until I had cancer, but still have never felt as cold as this.  When I was a kid we didn't have central heating and had winters much like these so I'm blaming the meso for me feeling this way, or maybe it's because of the chemo.

Funny you look normal and nobody seems to think you should feel under the weather.  I get frustrated at myself and wonder how others are coping but then I remember that they haven't had their chest ripped out and gone through hell over 5 years!  I'm not feeling sorry for myself I'm just stating a fact.  I forget what I've been through and feel a fraud when I just can't do things.  I wonder how my mam's carers can want to go out in this, after all they are a lot older than me, but there again they are in good health.  Good health - arrh that's the key.

My chest has been feeling extremely heavy for the last week, I was going to make an appointment with the GP but with the weather etc I haven't got around to it.  I'm not coughing anything up (there again I hardly ever did) but I am starting to wonder if I have a chest infection.  I have reduced the MST down by 60 a day, I can feel my ribs hurting more but there again its cold so I can't say whether the reduction is wrong or not.

I just want to feel normal, it amazes me that Graham (EPP) has managed to climb mountains with only one lung whereas I struggle climbing the bloody stairs!

It's good to hear that Colin hasn't suffered badly on his first chemo but Lorraine said to me yesterday "you always say no pain no gain and I'm worried it's not working because he isn't suffering!"  Can't think of an answer to suit.

With this bad spell you would have thought my appetite would have improved but even that has gone downhill.  Just don't fancy anything, even if I'm hungry nothing tastes nice or I'm full after a few mouth fulls, hubby is getting rather annoyed at my lack of enthusiasm over food.  I wish they could invent a pill that you took that gave you everything you needed without the effort of cooking and eating, but then most people have enjoyment in eating.

Bear has scratched to go in the cold utility, normally I would leave the door wide open but have closed it on him, god help us when he wakes up and finds himself of his own.  Last night hubby took them both out about 8.30 in the snow storm and they played nonstop of the garden.  When they came in I had two large balls of snow, towelling them off is a nightmare as Bear thinks the towel is a game and hangs on to the corner of it.

Going to sit in front on the fire, problem is I'll get cabin fever being stuck in the house but I really don't want to step out into the cold.  It's minus 7 I think outside.  Although I did open the window and put loads of birdseed on the windowsill.  Already the mistletoe thrush has been at it, my blue tits our hiding this morning, usually they tap on the office window.

Hope if you are suffering from the cold as much as I am that you can find a nice snug area and stay warm.

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