Saturday, 8 January 2011

A letter to meso

Dear Friend
How long have I known you intimately for now, 6 years coming up 7.  We have certainly seen some battles you and I.  You have taken me to near distinction and others have brought me back again.  Our lives have affected others as well as each others and all the time its a battle of nerves, who can outwit the other. 

Over these years, more recently the last 4 I have come into contact with some wonderful people because of you, and I have also lost some wonderful people to you.  You have brought destruction and despair, pain and unhappiness into so many lives and yet you are still here, still residing where you aren't wanted.

The effect you have on life is so hard for others to comprehend, you are hidden away with no outwardly signs, you slyly and slowly sneak into one's life and by the time you are noticed you have already caused unwanted problems.   I,  for one, have been fighting with you for 10 full years, albeit I could only put a name to you after 4 of those years.  The pain you unleashed in the early days was bad but at least you gave me breaks, over the last 6 years you have been unrelenting with unleashing pain, you find ways of making my body hurt, even in sleep you still hold your power of pain over me.

Some of those you have touched have been spared with pain but suffer in so other many terrible ways.  You leave no one untouched when you become part of some one's life. 

You inspire some wonderful doctors who want to discover your secrets and rid us of your presence and then there are some who ignore your very existence or find that dealing with you to troublesome and prefer not to deal with those you have come into contact with.  Oh yes I have met both sides and so have many others, but you don't understand the determination of the human race and we will beat you, one day you will no longer exist.

In dealing with you I probably have helped cause a lot of the residue pain, removing you from the very core of my body was my last option and have spent 2 years of additional pain, I wonder if this is your retaliation for removing you?  Maybe had I had you removed in our early days of meeting the pain may not be here now but no one knows the future, all I know is because of you my flesh has suffered .. but you will never own my soul.

I hope that this New Year will bring compassion into your being as just the mention of your name brings fear to all those that hear it.  Today more people understand the name you are know by Mesothelioma, more are aware of your hiding place and more importantly  people are trying to find your secrets of life so they can eradicate you from our lives. 

For me I guess I'll have to struggle on, but be aware you are never out of my sight and I will always try and outwit you, you have worn me down, made me old before my time, tried taking away my life and even today as I am tired and weary from our fights and from the pain I will not let you win.

I am watching you

1 comment:

Debbie said...

Great post Jan, very moving x x x