Sunday, 31 May 2009

Mesothelioma and life

Here we are again, another week has past and I wonder where the time has gone. I have just past the 19 week mark and sometimes I marvel at how far I have come since the operation. Sometimes I think I should be back to normal by now but occasionally I remember what I went through, the concerns I had when I could hardly walk from the lounge to the loo, yet that was week 2 to 4.

You may think me an odd ball and in somethings I am, I started going for spiritual healing last year and once I was well enough after the operation a couple of the healers came out to the house to give me healing. All in all it lasts about 10 minutes and whether it works or not I often think that maybe I am this far ahead because I received this. (Don't get the straight jacket out yet!) Yesterday I went to a one day seminar and we were talking about healing and clairvoyance etc then we sat and had a private reading, the person who sat with me knew nothing about me yet told me I had four family members standing at the back of me, protecting me, and two of the family had expected me to die in January, although they were sad I hadn't crossed over (spiritual term for dying) they were pleased I was still alive. Now tell me that isn't proof of life on the other side, or that the healing hasn't helped in anyway.

No I'm not about to lecture you on religion etc, I thought you may like to know, after all we have nothing to lose by trying it, the healing not the private sittings.

I have also noticed my taste buds have changed, I was always a roast beef, yorkshire pudding and gravy person, but since the operation I have totally gone off this type of food, obviously I am giving hubby a hard time because he doesn't know what to cook anymore. I have started wanting more spicy foods. And my worst nightmare happened, I have gone off the sun! I know I can't believe it. I sat out this morning reading the Sunday Times and the heat was getting too much. Hubby got me out a sunbed and after 1 hour I couldn't bear the sun. I had to come inside. I have always been a sun worshipper and would sit for 8 hours, if possible, on holiday. We even had an invite for a BBQ but I know their garden is such a suntrap I decided not to go. So not only did I hide away from the lovely sunshine we always pine for, I turned down the best BBQ'er I've known.

I still have energy limits, and I am finding it hard to sleep deep. I seem to wake up every hour, the week before I had insomnia for 2 nights, so I am getting extremely worn down. I don't know whether its because I have up'ed the nerve damage tablet or I am being took over by the different bloods I have received. Maybe an alien got into the donated blood and is altering my genes!

On a serious note I seem to have a couple of really good days then I have no energy and want to lie on the sofa all day. I wonder if I'll get back to what I was, even when the cancer was growing I still worked full time, now I'm lucky if I put in 5 mornings!

I seem to be going backwards these last two weeks as I was back to 6 mornings not too long ago.

Still waiting to find out what's going to happen about my scar, drain sites and radiation in the lung cavity. Did anyone who had an EPP have fluid problems in the cavity and how long did it stay?

I met a vibrant lady the other day, she has non small lung cancer and you wouldn't think it if you met her. I passed on as much info on specialists as possible, as they seem to be treating this cancer the same as mesothelioma where medicine is concerned. I pray something good will happen for her.

I worried my self sick the other night as my stomach swelled up and felt full of fluid, imagination flying high, but I think it is one of the case scenario's that I will always worry about. When surgery was mentioned in 2004 I said no for the simple fact that the chest was open for the cancer to spread easier to other organs, little did I know back then that I would near enough have an EPP in 2009, and that worry has become real, especially after reading on one of the web sites about someone who had the operation last year and now has it back in the stomach. I know that the techniques have moved on and the likelihood of that happening isn't that high but you can't control the brain working overtime.

Guess I had better find something in the fridge worth eating, hope you have a good week and enjoy this glorious weather.

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