Thursday, 30 July 2009

Just a Rant

It seems strange, I looked at a photo the other day of my back and side when I came out of the hospital with my tube stuck just under my left breast. Time has passed so fast since that day. The first morning at home I was so pained and couldn't get comfortable and I had no energy. I remember not wanting to have to have a shower and I think I didn't do it till around noon. Then had to sleep as it had taken so much out of me. Yet this morning I was pottering around after my shower, hubby had gone for an early practice at the golf driving range (peace and quiet) and I remembered how I was unable to stand in the shower and wash without help. How leaning against the shower why he dried my feet, never did do between my toes properly! It amazes me how our bodies can get over so much so quick, obviously pain lingers on but the mental strength to get through kicks in.

People on chemo have to do the same, find that inner strength to go through the next dose and here is where I come to my rant.

Why can't our oncologists do chemo embolisation in this country, we have the technology and skill for stents to the heart so why can't we do this procedure with the chemo here. It would surely cost less than the way it is dealt with now, as the after effects are much less, hence costing the NHS less on drugs to get us through the next 6 months.

The government just can't balance its books. Shame they aren't ran by the ordinary shop keeper or small business man who makes every penny count. I'm on about COE's as they leave uni and never have to work their way up the ladder, so they don't see how to make money and save it from being wasted. Lets face it the boss at the top of the NHS probably isn't from a struggling background who knows how to watch the pennies. Money probably fell into their pockets and never ran dry.

Rant over I think, I just get so worked up that money is wasted yet where mesothelioma is concerned, and lots of other cancers, we have no money for treatments and research. We also have to deal with ego's in the NHS, if it doesn't mean acknowledgement for most of them they aren't interested or down play results.

Oh forgot finally have my appointment for the CT Scan, next Friday. Hubby is already in the worrying mood, I can see his mind racing over risks of catching anything before Friday and missing the appointment, then the worry of what the CT will say. He said the other day that I don't look for risks, I told him if you keep expecting them you will always find problems.

Well back to Big Brother to watch a group of people who hope to push themselves forward for God knows what.

Enjoyed my rant need some ideas how to get treatments aboard to come here. If I was diagnosed now for the first time I would go straight to John Edwards and ask for the lining to be removed, then start to think about what next. Sorry seems like I haven't finished for the night but I must go its nearly 10 and I have to have lots of beauty sleep, not that I get lots for all these strange dreams I have recently started having insomnia gone, dreams took over!
Tomorrow I also say goodbye to my fantastic pain management Doctor, Doc Bernie retires so I'm dropping off a decent bottle of single malt as a thank you for all the advice he has given over the last 18 months. I honestly thought I would be dead and gone before he retired, so nice to be wrong in the best possible way.

Keep fighting

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