Another week has flown over, for me it started on Monday with Pilates, I didn't do any arm exercises as raising my left arm above my head or moving it sideways is becoming very uncomfortable. So I thought I would give that area of my body a miss. As my teacher hasn't come across anyone who has had so much surgery she is working in the blind as much as I am, lets face it how many people have false diaphragms? So we concentrated on leg work which also pulls the muscles in your abdomen and yes diaphragm. I did pilates before then packed in but my resolve was to try it again, I have and I don't think it's helping I still feel like my torso needs lifting off by my ribs, turning maybe 1 cm and replacing. The pain on my side seems to cut through exactly at the bottom of the rib and feels like someone has inserted a steel board and it hurts. My kidney has been aching for a while but this week it went banana's, I found myself taking morphine during the night just so I could lay either on my back or side, by the time morning came I was still in pain and took more. It did help but by 5pm I was back in agony, then as the week progressed and we got to Friday both my kidneys were yelling at me, so I have chucked the lansoprazole as well. I'm not sure whether this is causing the kidney to ache but I have to start somewhere. It may not be my kidney but it is back in that area and yes I know that was my warning sign last time but I am ignoring that fact, I am staying cancer free as if I start worrying my imagine may get the better of me.
So have had a painful week and hated going to bed as much as getting up .. you're wondering whether the lansoprazole worked on the stomach .. in truth I do feel a miniscule better there but obviously blacked out by the more pressing pain in the back.
To add salt to the wounds, Bear has had soft poohs and Lexi this morning had the runs .. joy of joys for hubby because he has been the first up each day this week. I don't think the door mat has been washed as much in the 4 years its been down as it has everyday this week. Thankfully the weather has been good and it has dried each day to go back down on a night.
The meso crowd has been quiet this last couple of weeks so I hope all are well, Danny is waiting for an appointment for radiotherapy, K is still waiting for his scan .. don't get me started on scans ... L must be off and away, although her latest scan results are due, to name but a few.
I was also saddened to hear that my comrade from 1st Chemo is having to re-challenge his meso, he has had a good run, 6 years in good remission, one small mishap and a quick top up of radiotherapy only in that time so has done really well, but to have to re-challenge is always a knock back. I hope I get a good 6 years without worry .. somehow I don't think I will be that lucky.
Hopefully my scan date will arrive shortly and then hopefully I will find out if it is stable or if it is growing, a simple yes or no is all I need and from all parties concerned. I wish we had a marker in our bloods to show whether we are still clear or not it would make life easier for everyone and especially the patient, could you imagine every 8 weeks having a blood test and been told that all is ok, followed then by a scan say every 6 months just in case, it would save a lot of trouble and cost if this could happen .. dreaming again.
I managed to get to healing this week, I asked the lady to concentrate her hands on my side and kidney and this will be weird to you, but her hands started freezing cold, as if like cryo it was killing the cancer (in my mind) then they went red hot like repairing the tissue. The relief was wonderful and for the first time that day I was actually pain free, it lasted all of an hour but that hour was well received. I feel there is something in it and made a note to myself to try and not miss any weeks, lately I have missed quite a few.
The air has really cooled down so think its time to sign off and find some where warm in the house to sit and feel sorry for myself, think I may head for a hot bath as long as Bear will settle, lately he accompanies me when I go for a shower. Problem is he lies next to the door and getting out can be quite a battle. Because he is so big we don't think of him still as a puppy. I have a feeling if I run a bath I will probably have a big black nose followed by two enormous paws trying to get in the bath.
Speaking of warmth, with the effort of Dr Owen I have been able to book a hol and am counting down to the day I expose my scarred body to the sunshine for the first time in 18 months, like me my skin will have forgotten what sunshine feels like.
Hoping you are pain free and one day I will be joining you in that feeling
Jan
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