Saturday, 27 March 2010

Lung Clinic for Mesothelioma

After spending two weeks with increased pain and actually starting to feel a little better I bit the bullet and phoned the lung nurse who arranged for me to go into clinic at 2pm, I wasn't sure whether it was a walk in or an appointment based but something inside of me told me I should go.

I certainly got a full MOT and even surprised one of the nurses when my blood oxygen was 100% (it shocked me too).  An xray was done, bloods taken and even a water sample, which came back clear.  So where does this leave me, I found out that my CT Scan hadn't even been booked so that was arranged yesterday for next Thursday, I chatted to the Chest Doctor and he had a feel around my side, very tender, to the point I knocked his hand away, it's different when we touch our tender areas as we hold gently, but under examination they aren't gentle.  We even looked at the last two scans together, again that funny looking nodule at the bottom seemed to draw the Doc's attention.  It could be that it is pushing on a nerve and causing irritation but who knows.  The scan has been booked to do the lower part of my abdomen to my shoulders so maybe something else could be going on.  "After all," the Doc said, "You still have a body that can go wrong somewhere else".  From experience with endo in my early days I never had anything else wrong with me but endo, well until the cancer came, so I am finger crossing that whatever is going on is a regular body problem and not a cancer causing one.

Although I heard from Dr Abtin that his thoughts were the cancer was growing on the December Scan, and Dr Owens said there radiologists said not, you do feel in the middle, then for Dr Day to say he thought it looked like growth on the scan. I don't keep these in the front of my mind but bury them deep, try not to worry and get on with other pressing things like living today, working, playing with the mutts, keeping hubby occupied (he is the worrier) but every now and then they creep in and I guess Friday was one of those days too, I could feel my eyes wanting to well up with tears for no reason.  I guess the main reason for burying these thoughts is where do I go now if it has returned and if I think it might have come back will that make it actual and it has. 

Healing on Wednesday again was wonderful but the lady later told me I needed to eat complan to build up, so I went out and bought a box, and for some reason I have even started taking omega 3 capsules over the last couple of days ( I bought them for the dogs). 

Believe me I want to sort out the pain issues over the kidney area, infact I would like to sort out the pain in my left breast, my ribs on the left side, the slicing pain through the gap between ribs and pelvic bone, my back ..... yet I feel guilty for complaining because at the end of the day I am still here and very much alive and isn't that worth much more than complaining about pain?  My brother has MS and suffers badly yet he hardly complains .. again which makes me feel guilty ....

I have another problem too, my body doesn't like medication, for some reason I always react to tablets, drugs just don't agree with me, it's like my body is pure and the intake of anything other than natural products upsets the system .. yet over the years I have managed to tolerate morphine  very well which just doesn't make sense.  You can guarantee if I take a tablet that might cause kidney or joint aches I get the aches!  I think this is down to the chemo and the damage it did internally.

Well better get moving, have the tack room to empty ready for the builders.  Heaven knows where we are going to store all the stuff while the builders do their thing.

Obviously will let you know about the scan, when I get the results, and sorry I have gone on and on but I guess the blog is also my release valve too.

Keep fighting and never surrender

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