Sunday, 18 April 2010


Firstly thank you for the support and well wishes I have received.

I am happy and relieved that the report was static.  Although we waited again for some 2 1/2 hours to see the Chest Doctor it was worth it.  He did comment once again that locum's had written the report but he had spoken to the top Radiologist and asked him to have a look.  Dr Orr had pointed out some suspicious area's but no one mentioned the funny nodule or any of the lymph nodes.  I think Dr Dae was quietly content too, he is a nice young man but I am his first patient to have undergone such drastic surgery, together with so much previous meso treatments, that he finds the case interesting to say the least.  He did ask me where I would go from here and also commented on that if there was a growth then why not give cryo another go. 

I am now waiting for the copies so I can do the usual distribution, one to Dr Edwards, One to Dr Owens and of course one shipped off the USA. 

The pain is still a big issue so after holidays am going to try another nerve blocker .. Hubby has told me he will hide the knives as when I last tried them in 2005 I had a personality change.  Yet I was on duloxtine for all those months for nerve pain after the operation and they didn't seem to do that much for the pain in later months and what a time I had coming off them.

The main thing is that the main picture is I am stable,  stable and static,  I could have kissed the ground, I thanked God about 50 million times and then felt sad for my friends who have recently had bad news.  I know they are pleased for me but it still hurts when co-sufferers haven't received the same good news.

Without any qualms either the scan was booked there and then for July, God just before my 50th, it brought back words of days past when I was told I won't make that age. 

My meso circle and I have all agreed that the longer we wait for a Doctor, (not just because the NHS insist on giving Docs only 10 minutes in some hospitals to 30 in others) is because that Doc takes an interest in each patients case and is prepared to do his job correctly.  We should canvass the PCT's and say all patients should have a minimum of 30 minutes and new cases 1 hour, I know John Edwards and Andy Owens agree with that one.  How can a Doc review your case, speak to you and remember what your case is about then listen to what you have to say, decide on a course of action and kick you out in 10 minutes .. if they do they are either not interested or have photographic memories.

All I can tell you is that the champagne tasted exceptionally good on Friday night and we are both looking forward to this holiday with even more excitement than when booked.  I have always used holidays as a haven away from cancer, no talk about it, no worrying over it, that was until our last couple when I was really ill on them, but overall they are a place to get away from our everyday life and worries.  This one will be even better, the first one where the cancer has been debulked and where I am static (it's been that long since I heard that word and believed it) .

I just hope that everyone who takes the time to look at the August scan against this scan can agree that my insides look great.  My right lung has expanded further to help provide the oxygen as my left lung is still quite small, but my bloods are fantastic, my oxy level was 99% and the sun is shining.

I have also had a thought on the pain, after all I was back at my desk within 10 weeks of surgery and the majority of my heavy files were on the left side (op side) which I kept lifting up.  I have probably caused the reaction myself as using that side constantly got the muscles and nerves reacting a lot faster than someone who took time to get better by doing walks and gentle exercises.  I was back in work pretty much the same after my first operation in 04, I never learn but then work has always been my release.  I say this because my friend has just had a new hip and 10 weeks down the line she is still taking it easy and will probably be off for another couple of weeks before gradually going back into work.  I just threw myself back in it, yes people say if you want anything just ask but you can't keep shouting 'Can you come and get this file out of the drawer' or 'Put this file in a cupboard', you lift the file up think and react to the pain then forget it until you do it again.  I have never been a good patient, whether this makes the recovery overall better or worse I can't say, I do know that a fellow meso friend had surgery and is still numb down his side, yet another has terrible pain but doesn't take morphine for it.  We are all different, and women well we have all sorts of hormones racing around too which never helps.

Onward to battle another day, it isn't long till action day and lets hope this year some where a new drug is released to help combat the meso, a new treatment has proved its worth and our NHS will use it.

To those politicians out there (not that they would read this blog but airing my thoughts anyway) we all deserve the chance to extend our lives with new treatments and drugs, whether it buys us a month or 10 years, we have that option and that right.  Not all cancers are cure-able but why should we roll over and wait for death there are many out there with meso who had Alimta and are still going strong 5 years later .. think on MP's it could happen to you.

Never surrender ..

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