Sunday, 3 June 2012


It must be great to live among all the activities in a city, watching the Queen on TV floating done the Thames it makes you realise how isolated sometimes living the in countryside is.  When the weather is bad there is always something still to do in town, whereas if you live in no where places you need to travel quite a distance to visit the Theatre, the Cinema, Art Galleries etc.  Even popping out for a nice romantic meal means driving quite a few miles.

I ended up having an a long week again at work, finishing around the 6pm mark on an evening, I am so pleased the weather wasn't hot otherwise I would have been annoyed to have spent the full week stuck inside missing out on the sun therapy my body craves.

It is hard to explain pain and how wearing it is.  I know I have said many times but before I was finally diagnosed and suffered what I didn't realise was pleurisy for all those years I was terrified of getting into my 60's and 70's having to cope with the pain every 3 months.  Hubby has a touch of arthritis in his toe and when it sets off he has a small sample of what I go through every day.  The biggest difference is he can take an anti-inflammatory and his pain goes, I have to take morphine and hope it goes!

I haven't heard much from my meso circle over the last few weeks and can only hope that all are well, I haven't managed to email many myself and apologise for being lapse in communicating.

My next big decision is whether we still do our cruise in September, this will be my big holiday before I start chemo, not that I have agreed any dates with an oncologist or trial Prof.  I haven't the faintest idea of what I am really doing but know that after the cruise I will be ready to put my body back through whatever it takes to be well again.  I quite like the thought of the trials where they only last a number of weeks instead of taking treatment forever and a day like a Phase I.  Although the other side of me is thinking maybe just take the golden standard again but only do 3 cycles of it instead of the normal 5 or 6, but even 3 can take it out of you.  But then there is the other question, will I be able to have the chemo! Then the fear is what if the golden standard doesn't work then what, and those are the avenues of thought I really don't want to go down.

I would really like to do the cruise, my only true worry is that once we get on board the ship I just can't be bothered to do anything, sometimes when you aren't fit you do have days where you have nothing to give and the effort of trying is too much to ask, you hate yourself for feeling this way but can't do anything about it!

My office window at home looks out onto the front garden and recently I noticed a Song Thrush as a regular visitor.  By chance on Friday I noticed that we had 2 of them and they kept darting into the corner of the garden.  I grab my camera and had to take a shot through the glass, not realising at first that they were feeding a young chick.  Unfortunately the chick ate behind the leaf!  We were going to clean this corner of the garden last weekend, so pleased we didn't.  There's also a little sparrow sitting with dinner in its mouth as well.  I do love it when you see nature at its best.  Which reminds me I haven't managed to see the Deer and her calf, today we went to the fields but no sign of either.

I think I shocked hubby because the sky was grey and the breeze here was strong and I said right I'll have a shower (lazy morning in my dressing gown till 10 am) then we'll go for a wander.  Funny how Lexi knew what I meant because as soon as I came back down stairs she was leading me into the utility room to get my boots, hat and gloves (dog ones) and started singing (German Shepherds do this when they are excited).  Bear and her seem to enjoy the walk more when I go with them than when they just go with hubby

Well that's all for tonight, I am due a flat out on the sofa, its already 8.15 and I have no idea where the evening has gone.

Till I write again I do hope that everyone with this miserable cancer is having a good weekend, that those who care and love us have some time off from worrying and mostly that our miserable meso stops dead and stays that way.

1 comment:

amanda said...

hi Jan,
after our day out yesterday, Ray shattered today, in quite a bit more pain these last few days. As you say it is so debilitating, dealing with the pain takes up all of his energy, so he has gone back to bed this afternoon.

Wishing you well for the rest of the weekend