Saturday, 18 May 2013

Is it winter already?

Last night I did something I haven't done for a long time, drank and drank again.  It started with making my Maltese style lasagne, it had red wine in, so with dinner I asked hubby did he want something to drink he said Bacardi and Coke so I thought why not, I'll join him.  That was at 7 pm, we went to bed at 1.15, I haven't been that late up for so many years I can't even remember.  I've been worried about hubby recently, feeling that something was going on with him and he isn't talking about it.  Last night we talked, boy did we talk.
I said some time back he didn't want me to have the latest scan and to wait to have my scans till after the summer months but I didn't want to.  He feels that if I know there is growth it will spoil my holidays whereas I told him I need a time marker, if it is growing we can monitor it's rate of growth much easier than just waiting till September and finding out it has grown and to what extent.  Not that I believe the mesothelioma is going to grow. 
Having had mixed meso in 04 I have been extremely lucky and to be honest if the meso does return I would rather monitor it again like I did last year and hold back on treatment till after Summer, but we need to know the rate of growth, so scans are important. 
It's back to the what if's again, if the meso was to grow do and if we leave the meso to grow for too long will chemo be as affective or if we dive straight in for treatment are we using up all our options.  This cancer hasn't any choices in the chemo regime and our bodies become used to the poison, results each time being less than the first time the chemical was introduced to the system.
I think we came to that understanding again of enough talked about for the time being on mesothelioma, lets enjoy the summer and worry about meso in Autumn.  Easier said than done because I know both of us think of it everyday or deal with something related to it. 
The other problem about drinking last night is all the good work of keeping my foot in the right position, Achilles heel pain had gone by last night, I have undone some of the work!  My bum and thigh are tender together with my back.  I was thinking of cancelling the Monday appointment with the physio and wait to see the Doctor's physio on Thursday, now am not so sure, although he seems to have done the best treatment but then it could be the use of both that has worked so well! 
We were due to go to a point to point today but having a bad foot I had to turn the tickets down, so glad I did, looking at the rain still coming down.  The BBC certainly got the forecast right last night, it did start at 11 and is still pouring down now.  Wonder what I can do today, I imagine both of us will be on that sofa at some point catching up on sleep!

No comments: