Saturday, 4 February 2012

Old Symptoms

I have had so much going on that it took me so time to realise that I am reliving some of my symptons before diagnosis days.  The pattern of a stiff neck, insomnia and nightime sweats.  I was sitting yesterday infront of the wood fire massaging my neck and it clicked into place.  I didn't need to get my old diaries out as I knew as soon as the penny dropped.  Obviously, I can't produce fluid as I have no pleura for the meso to annoy but the rest are in place.  Over the last year I have had a few of these and if I had written them down I guess it would coincide with the growth of the meso.  I hope I am wrong but I think my meso is doing what it use to do, have growth spouts every 3 months.

Since having surgery on my eyelids I have had hubby take a daily photo of my face.  When I went to look at the photo's of myself, and I was shocked.  When did I grow so old and so haggard.  I have no weight at all in my face,  lips are drawn no weight in my cheeks and honestly if I met me I would think what a miserable old cow.  Having gained weight on my body how do I put it back on the face?  I remember my hairdresser, Tarn, telling me he had fillers - think I should ask what they are.  I certainly wouldn't want to wake up next to my face every morning, so God knows how hubby does!

Yesterday I had the house to myself and sat infront of the damn computer all day.  I was trying to work out this new program Dreamweaver that I have for web design.  Honest I even have the dummies book and I think I must be a dummy.  After 6 hours I still haven't achieved anything - they say technology is getting easier so I guess I must be getting dumber.  I originally wrote the websites in Frontpage (sounds like I do it a lot but it was just jansjourney and the windlestonehomes one) but Frontpage doesn't work anymore, half the functions don't load up on web browsers - technology improves and old and tried systems no longer do.  I had planned on a little relaxation, catch up on a film or two, maybe change a few things around in the kitchen, you know women at home things, instead the day flew by and in what I class as limited time, the day had gone.  Maybe I should rethink what I want to do with my life rather than let things I don't understand use that precious time up.

I have no idea what my plans are today, I only know I will not be sat in front of the machine all day, whatever you are doing, as Linda would say "Do something Positive".

1 comment:

Linda Wride said...

Jan - what ever you do today, I hope you have enjoyed it and feel better! love Linda and Steve xxx