Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Shopping for me and another Sad Day

A while back I ordered some oxygen on line, when I had my chest infection, and sometimes I do need to still use it.  Especially if I have walked too fast from one room to the other or gone to the front door to answer it, only to find its the wrong door they have rang the bell!  At first I ordered a full set and a spare then as I am now using the spare I ordered another full set, to keep upstairs by the bed.  The moment I set it up I knew something was wrong as I couldn't hear any oxygen come through it.  I emailed the company and to my surprise they just replaced it, no qualms about whether I had ran it dry or not.  Not that I had, I just opened it and pressed the button.  So now have two again, one up and one down. You see going out I carry it and being a small little bottle it fits in my handbag and now one knows I am carrying it!
Yesterday morning I honestly didn't think I was going to get to Stockton with the girls when I woke up.  It was the first morning for a long time that I had felt so breathless, even sitting in front of the computer I found it hard to catch a good breath.  Typical I thought, well I'm going out.
I also had terrible tummy ache but by the time the girls arrived my insides had sorted themselves out, quite a few times - probably due to the chemo.
I showered and my dressing got wet, the tape where I fasten my tube up on a night had torn the covering, just before I was ready to go I felt a damp patch on my top.  So with Gary turning the other way I swapped the dressings then he put the new plastic cover over.  Neither of us like looking at the pipe sticking out.  The skin felt a little rough, probably because the sponge had got so wet and had irritated the skin.  Shame I hadn't noticed this straight after the shower, it was some 2 hours later.
The girls arrived, the car was nice and warm and off we went to Stockton.  I must say I was pleased Chris was driving as the roads seem to have changed again.  They are redeveloping Stockton, about time, but it is a hit and miss centre.  Part has an industrial park, then you come into the main street but all new traffic lights and roads.  I remember Stockton high street as a child, it was a treat to go there, the market on a Saturday stretched as long as the main town centre road, the shops were always busy, now its quite run down, but hopefully the changes being made will revamp the area and make it a place to want to go again. 
She dropped Lorraine and I opposite Debenhams and we slowly walked to the shop and waited while Chris parked up.  I was surprised at how large the store was.  We ambled around the ground floor first, mens wear, Christmas gifts etc then went for coffee.  We had a spot of lunch, I had a turkey sandwich and they had soup, although I couldn't eat all of mine so the sandwich was shared between us.  We ambled for ages and I didn't realise just how tired my legs were getting until we finally went to check out our purchases.  I did find Gary a couple of surprise presents.  I even found a couple of things for me that he can wrap up, I know he is getting desperate on what to buy me as I have no ideas on anything I need.  What do I need?  I have wardrobes of clothes I never get to wear, I know that fashions change but nothing much seems to have changed for years so why change my wardrobe?
I looked down at my feet, which after standing still at the checkout for 5 minutes hurt, they were the size of breeze blocks, my ankles were up and my legs like tree trunks.  I left them two to wait for my buys and to do theirs and found a stool to sit on.  Lorraine joined me with our shopping as we gave Chris a head start to go and find the car.  It was a slow walk across the road I can tell you, then I had to sit sideways into the passenger side and lift each leg in.  I have never been like this. 
We had three hours in all, and I thoroughly enjoyed being out.  I hope we do it again but maybe try Binns at Darlington.  Although getting dropped near the door is a little more difficult as its a one way street and stopping isn't allowed.  It brought back memories of my mam, when she had a heart attack in November 1984 or 85 (memory not so good on dates) I took her shopping to Binns and parked out the front, I got a parking ticket but I couldn't understand why she was so tired after 30 minutes.  I wonder if she is up in heaven sending me pay back time!
I even sound like my mam these days, I can hear my breathing and it reminds me of hers, I feel so bad as I didn't realise how much she was actually struggling.  I only sound really bad when I have had a shower, whether its the moist air in the room or not I am not quite sure, but if we open the door to far it gets cold really fast.  Is there a way to win with this breathing problem I wonder.
Gary is still suffering from being run down, he is so tired and I wish he would take it a little more easy.  I am not tired anymore at 10 and keeping him up till 10.30 - 11 at night, too late for him as he has always needed plenty of sleep.  His throat is improving although he has a cold again too.  Emotions can play a big part on our general health and this is what is going on with Gary I believe.  Plus he is up and down at my every whim, I try not to ask him to do things but he just seems to know if I need things.
Anyway after shopping I sat on the sofa and kept my feet up for the rest of the day and all evening, so much so my bum felt like it would develop bedsores!
I turned the ipad on while Gary was making a cup of tea at one point and read such sad news, a friend from the meso community lost her husband John last night.  I thank Jennifer for thinking of emailing me, considering she has so many people to tell.  It broke my heart, neither have had long together to get used to the idea of mesothelioma, he was only diagnosed this May, which makes it even worse.  These last 6 months have been treatments and coming to terms with the fact, no remission time just fighting.  My heart breaks for her and her family.  The beautiful thing is he passed peacefully with his family and that is something everyone hopes for.  He is only 65 too, not even getting into his new life of retirement.  All those plans now abandoned because of a fibre he inhaled so many years ago. 
With that sad news I am closing the blog here today.  I ask that you send a thought to Jennifer and her family.

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