Saturday, 17 October 2009

All nerves again

Here I am Saturday morning looking out on a nice clear beginning of an Autumn  Day and wondering how Bella the mother of our potential puppy is doing.  She hasn't managed to go into labour yet so is on the way to the vets.  My stomach is turning, as she is a beautiful newfoundland and the thought of her having to have a section is terrifying.  I bet her owner is also worried and I'd rather be in my position than hers.

These new pain pads are working extremely well although still feel sickly on a morning, trying the metroclop but still feels crap.

Have decided to put all worries away regarding the pending PET Scan, if something turns out to be a new growth I will have to deal with it then, pointless putting more pressure on my body by worrying about it.  The last week has been filled with worry but as I look out onto the garden, the sun is shining and to be honest I am in borrowed time, I just hoped it would lend itself for at least 5 years before worrying about new growth.  It's only 9 months since the operation and if the scan is right something was building up in July.

I know from past experience that I should be dashing in all trumphets blowing and get something done but radiotherapy could give a distorted picture of any hotspots so patience will be mine this time.  (That's what I'm saying at this moment in time!)  The only thing that makes me worry is the return of the kidney area pain, but that could be pressure from the inflammation, I am just talking myself out of worrying, yes you bet I am.

The problem is I can't fly and so cryo would be out of the question unless Dr A will come to England and use someone else's equipment, but I don't know whether that would be allowed.  There is also the option of cyberknife now in England.  I hope I don't need to do any of this but you see your mind never stops when you hear there could be a problem.

Maybe it's stupid to look for another dog, especially when it's my choice of a Newfoundland and not Gary's of another German Shepherd, but then if it is the dreaded disease, then it could take a couple of years to get as bad as before the operation..... Problem with meso is noone can give answers.  My headaches could be toxins, my sickly stomach (like 07) could be toxins, my kidney pain, don't want to think about it!

I hope where ever you are today, you have this beautiful sunny crisp fresh day and make the most of your weekend. 

Hopefully by tonight we'll hear how the dog is doing and whether we have a new puppy to look forward to.

No comments: