Monday, 7 February 2011

Holding my breath

It's been a week and although highly disappointed I knew I was on borrowed time, but like all of us, we don't believe it to be.

I have had some wonderful support from the meso gang and I thank you all for that.  I guess I have had so many treatments over the last 6 years I had hoped it would be longer.  Yet Debbie hasn't had as long a break as I have so I should be thankful that at least I had a good run of remission, albeit in pain.

I have sent my Scan off to USA and to James Cook, although I was given the wrong password, so I haven't opened it and had a look.  I doubt I will be able to read it as well as I use to be able to due to the surgery, so on this occasion it will be totally in the hands of the professionals to tell me what they think.

In part of my mind maybe I should hold back for 3 months to see how fast it is growing, but then I have never held back once it was on the move.  Only problem is that options are really limited.  I can't take Alimta and to be honest nor would I wish to take it again.  There is another chemo on the market so maybe that is for use a little later.  I have been calmer than I expected, but flat as well.  It's hard to explain your feelings when you get such an awakening, yet I have chastised myself as I have had different pains and some aches under the left arm .. one of my scars has been really sore hence I put everything down to my body still repairing the trauma of surgery.

Oh well, can't cry over spilt milk, it still begs the question should we do surgery in the very early stages, thus ensuring there isn't many micro cells floating around.  Graham is going strong, how much meso was there on surgery?  Cliff is under Prof V and had surgery early on ... wish this cancer ran in text book style instead of willy nilly depending on where and who.

Once I have some info I will let you know where my train of thoughts will lead me.  For those considering surgery please don't be put off, we all have to make choices on treatments and for each treatment there are always negative and positive reactions, if I had done this would that have happened etc... problem is with meso we don't seem to have the time to totally deliberate over what we should or shouldn't do as it grows so erratic.

Another day ahead and another day down, only way is forward maybe with a T junction, Cross Road or roundabout thrown in!


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