Sunday, 23 October 2011

Meso Scan on the horizon

We are all coming up to the time of scans again, the 3 or 4 months fly past.  I still can't believe some still only get an x ray every 3 months, which we all know doesn't actually show much, especially with meso.

Hubby sat me down on Saturday and discussed how I am doing on the pregabin, not good in his eyes, and to be honest not good in my own mind.  Nevertheless I have increased the dose to 2 to see if it helps, then maybe think about dropping them and going back to increasing my daily pain.  We don't seem to have much choice pain or tablets!

My breast screening is on Thursday, that is surely going to be fun and I do hope that they excuse my left side completely, although if they do just an ultra sound of it maybe the tumour might show up. 

This time 3 years ago no one thought I had much time left, it still amazes me that I am still here even though I started out with mixed Epithelioid and Sarcomatoid cells,  thankfully I believe only the Epithelioid ones have remained, the slow growing variety instead of the intense aggressive ones.  Yet meso can change so fast from being dormant or slow to all out war, regardless of strain. 

Hubby got into photography a couple of years ago and has asked for a new camera for Christmas, his aim is to get me to use his old one so we can share a hobby together.  He is into taking photos of birds whereas my choice would be animals or scenery, maybe if I get ok at it then I might sweetheart him to go back on a safari one day. 

I went back down mam's this weekend and we spent a couple of hours going through her things, each time I picked something up I could smell her aroma and I am finding it emotionally hard to pack her clothes up for charity.  Each time I walk in I expect her to be sat there and I doubt that will ever go.  I said to hubby "Maybe when we get old we should down size" the hurt that shot across his eyes was painful.  I wish I could think sometimes before I speak. 

I still have slight backache and it occurred to us both today that maybe the flight helped increase the fluid in my lung, if that is what it is.  Now that some of the meso is visible and I can actually touch it, it puts the cancer in a different light.  I find because it aches and has fire sparks I keep touching it and am sure it is growing, I should draw a line around it so I can keep track but then if it grew out of the line I would be gutted.

On such a terrible thought I will sign off for today.  Keep your chins up everyone, we will keep fighting back and somewhere out there a cure will come through. 


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