Sunday, 30 October 2011

Life between Mesothelioma (filing away the memories)

I spent most of yesterday transferring photos from the hard drive of the computer to a separate hard drive.  As hubby is determined to get me into photography I thought I had better tidy up the computer.  Our digital photo's start at Xmas 04 and it was strange going back over the dates.  Here we went to Dubai after Radiotherapy, then in the middle of Chemo, here was the safari, then the cruise etc.

It has made me wonder, for the thousandth time if I did make the most of my cancer free days.  Looking at the photo's I did more in 05 than I have done from the Op in 09 to today.  I know that I have, even if I haven't holidayed all over the world, but I think I spend to much time worrying over things than living them.  Even my aromatherapist said I seemed more at  home with myself recently, her meaning since the meso has returned as I'm not on edge all the time wondering what the next scan will say.   Even though now it is the worry of how much the mesothelioma has grown I wonder if she has a point.

I have so much still to do with my life, yet I keep procrastinating because somewhere in my brain I think I will reach old age! 

I am wondering what will happen to my growth and re-read Ronnie's posts when she had hers on her back, problem was I couldn't find the post that said how it went after the radiotherapy.  If someone out there knows could they let me know.  I said to hubby the other night, if it keeps growing at least it might just grow into my boob, although I will be lopsided!

This time of year the birdfeeders are full and my windowsill in the office has its plate of birdseed.  I love watching the greenfinch, blue tits and robins come to the window.  Especially when they tap the window because the plate is empty.   I wonder how many years left I will have the privilege of watching this.

Funny but I do feel comfortable with myself, I am more like my old self and think that maybe lifting the pregab to its proper dose of 2 has put back the balance of signals in my brain cell.

Bear stealing our cuppa
I am going to have to watch Bear's chin again, last night he put his head in my hands and rubbed his chin.  On inspection I didn't find anything but I don't want him having those hot spots again.  Although I have clipped a mass of hair just above his tail because he had dry spots and I want to get air to the skin.  Now he looks deformed!

But he does love a cup of tea if he gets a chance so should you ever visit, never put your mug down otherwise his nose is in it.

Sitting here isn't getting the most out of today,  still have to do more at mam's and finish our task of yesterday.   For years I have been saying I am going to make DVD's of our time together, pulling info off old camcorder tapes and rescan old photo's etc, but I never seem to find that time because it is a dedicated project and I doubt I will ever complete it.  Life is just too short, not just for us with meso but for everyone.

Wisdom for today meso warriors, enjoy the moment!

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