Friday, 20 December 2013

Pleased I looked back

Throughout all my treatments and the early days before I was diagnosed I kept a diary of pain, temperatures, meds and doctors comments.  Once treatments were finished I would stop filling it in.  I have been lapse this last treatment but thankfully I have detailed much more in the blog.

Yesterday we went through to the RVI for the scan, it is early, only after what they call 2 full chemo's, not sure whether I will be pulled off if nothing is happening.  My brother, Nev, drove us up and were we thankful, the car parks were full!  Nev dropped us off at the front doors and Gary pushed me the 1 mile though the hospital to XRay.  What a wonderful young Radiologist I had, so pleasant and friendly and we chatted easily, in fact that dreaded cannula was in before I even noticed.  I asked if she could always be the one to o it.  Obviously not possible, but if you ever meet Emma in the RVI you can be sure it will be a pleasant experience.  I had to drink 3 glasses of cold water, this works with the contrast to open up all the folds around the organs so the radiologist can read everything.

I had a fancy for a KFC on the way home so guess what we had for tea, yes.  I felt restless and tired so as Gary went and caught up on a nap, much needed for him.  The evening seemed to drag on and I felt more nd more constricted, my rib cage was tightening around me.  I didn't want to go to bed as lying down was going to be uncomfortable.  I took a tamazepam and hoped it would kick in, my temp was down to 35.3, not good.  I opened up the iPad and read back over, I was experiencing the exact same thing as this time last cycle, that made me feel better.

Finally, after 11.30 we went upstairs, my back hurt and lying down was uncomfortable, but with Gary's reassuring arms around me I soon feel asleep.  I woke at 4.30 and needed a pee, Gary was already awake so off we went.  Getting back in to bed my heart rate went up, but again he got me back to sleep.

This morning I felt that sickness at the bottom of my stomach as wll as my body aching all over, honest it's like a python wrapping around you.  I haven't moved from the sofa yet, although we have drained, it has gone up a little, 550 drained.  I know the day will improve but right now I just want to curl up.

Within our community we made a special young mans birthday yesterday, Keiran, Debbie's son, turned 17,  we sent him a guitar and music lesson.  We knew he would not be looking forward to this birthday so hopefully we raised a smile.

Although still on steroids my appetite isn't the greatest, at most I am eating one small meal a day, I know this isn't enough but it is a lot more than I ever managed on chemo all those years ago.

I am sending Gary out to do the shopping, I haven't showered yet, just preferring to stay on the sofa.  He is reluctant to leave me but I just want to curl up and there is things that need doing.

On that note I am closing this journal, I know now that the chemo is partly responsible for me feeling this way and tomorrow will be better.

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