Sunday, 12 June 2011

Busy Week and Meso blues

I never thought that nothing day was going to come to an end but Monday morning I was up and out to work for a meeting on site.  I decided that I have been looking at the housing project as a hobby instead of part of a proper job - hence the guilt at getting nothing else accomplished between 9 and 5.

Monday morning was a nightmare though, Lexi had bled from her holey bum and it didn't want to stop.  The vets shaved her and decided it was best to try and let it scab over.  Hubby moved the spare bed downstairs and slept with her, otherwise she would have attempted the stairs and stretched the skin apart causing it to reopen.  What a bunch of softies we are in our house, but our Dogs are children to us.  Normally the both of us would have slept downstairs but things have changed since we last needed to. We have now started her on another course of tablets, regardless of cost I hope they do the job.

I couldn't bare looking in her eyes, they looked so pained and sad, thankfully by Wednesday she was bouncing back - she is on tremadol for the pain and I felt guilty giving her those, as from experience I would loose a day or two when I took them.  How do we explain to our pets what is happening to them.  She knows the routine of getting the cream rubbed on, overhead lights go on, she jumps onto the corner part of the sofa, cream applied, biscuit given.  Sometimes when its tender she tries to put her bum further into the corner, but overall she does really well with the nightly treatment.  The new tablets are like rockets so she is having an extra treat, tablets wrapped in black pudding!  We tried milky ways for a couple of nights, but chocolate isn't good for dogs ...

I took half a temazapam on Sunday night to help ease my muscles and have continued every night this week.  They have seemed to help as my side doesn't feel like a stiff mass on a morning.  Just wish I could get my insides to feel the same.  It scares me the thought of chemo again, if my internals open up like boiled tomatoes will I bring on even more long term damage?

Seems like a few of us are feeling the meso blues at the moment.  You find yourself pondering about life, is the pain worth all the effort, are the treatments just forestalling what is to come.  I think we have all been in that mindset at sometime or another during this journey.

I haven't had word on my scan date yet, neither have I heard back from my oncologist to say what his recommendations would be if I need to proceed with treatment.  I was hoping for some feed back on the research I gave him.  I keep thinking about getting back in touch with the McMillan nurse but I'm not sure what she could do for me. 

My busy week of working 5 full days and Saturday morning caught up yesterday and I crashed on the sofa.  I brought home loads of paperwork to do but that went out of the window.  Today the sun shone for all of 30 minutes, I got a little excited at 9 thinking I could read a book in the garden .. oh well.  If  I could just summon up the energy to do something different I am sure hubby would be over the moon.  Instead I sat for 5 hours at the computer reorganising bathroom walls in the next housing project.  The houses are built, not complete.  One style I have already altered to accommodate a dining area, in this other style I am trying to create a bigger bathroom and ensuite.  It is so time consuming and harder than starting from scratch.  At least tomorrow I will know which decision we will go with then I can start thinking about the kitchens to go in. 

Here's to another week, and hopefully no nothing days at the end of it, would be nice to plan something other than catching up with resting on Saturday or Sunday.

Just before I log of War and Peace, I had a new pain this week.  It reminded me of the days when the heart attack sessions use to happen, please someone tell me that the meso can't grow on the false membrane that is wrapped around my heart.

Sweet Monday tomorrow


No comments: