Waking this morning was painful, I hadn't been up and down all night with Bear and it showed. My body ached and hubby had let me sleep till 8.30, considering I had climbed into bed at 9 the night before, I wasn't surprised that I hurt. I decided I didn't want to clash and go to work so did what I never do, took the day off.
I had a meeting today with my Macmillan nurse, I haven't seen her for nearly 2 years and it felt good to unload everything I had bottled up. I think I battered her head in as much as I have battered my own in over the last few months. Part of me still thinks its the tablets but then maybe they have just opened up some doors in my slow brain and let the flood gates open.
After she left hubby asked what do you want I said I don't know I'm just chasing circles. He gave me a sheet of paper and told me to write down what I want to do. The Plan evolved and goes something like this:
Get a doc to put a camera into my gut and see what the hell is going on in their, if its the meso then so be it, but it has been going on for a long time so I think its damage from the chemo or losing the Gall Bladder. Maybe it just needs something little doing but will give me a lot of relief. The amount of tablets I have tried and got nowhere is annoying.
Get the doc to organise regular blood tests to keep an eye on my other organs. I have pain around my left kidney so bloods would show if something was wrong or monitor me for anything that could go wrong.
Keep a 3 monthly schedule for ct scans - keeping an eye on the right lung as well.
Arrange to see the Heart Doctor once every 6 months to keep an eye on this enlarged and twisted heart. Having alot of pain in that area - probably is the meso - but will keep me happy.
See a pain management specialist again - discuss other options that don't cause personality changes!
You see what's the point of fighting the meso if say my heart decides to stop playing, heart problems run in mam's side of the family. Stomach needs sorting before I or in case I do go back on the chemo. The one thing that puts me off the chemo is the problems it caused my internals. I want to be as fit and healthy as possible before I take anything that will knock me over.
Work - work is the hard one, do I quit or do I stay. Without work what will I get up for, if I'm not feeling great I will waste the day away and doss around the house. But working too much is making me tired and leaving me running on empty
Bear, my little baby, is back to normal. He is now letting me scratch under his chin, he has taken some of the tops off the scabs himself and spent most of today asleep in the downstairs shower. I keep going in and trying to wake him up but he doesn't stir, even if I tickle his paws - which he hates! His blaster arrived today so we had fun. He tried to put the end in his mouth, so it was a fight trying to keep it on his fur only. He didn't have any dandruff fly off him but did enjoy his hair been blown. Tried to trim the remaining fur around his chest but I failed miserably with that one. He is still demanding attention when awake though, right now he is calling out wanting his stomach tickled.
On that note I will sign off. I feel happier that I have unloaded and a plan will be put into motion, Bear is happy and hubby will get a good nights sleep. Fingers crossed that Debbie and Cher's treatments went well today and to everyone else who is undergoing treatment.