Friday, 4 October 2013

My Mind keeps Saying Things

Progress is slow, I just seem to be feeling comfortable and its bed time apart from last night when my skinny bottom feels like bed sores are working their way to the surface.  Sitting all day is not me, I have to recline otherwise the pipe digs in, how will I sit at a desk all day?
This lack of energy and sitting around all day doesn't do your brain much good either.  My mind keeps telling me I am on that slippery slope and that I will not get better, this is the start of the end.  You know, the drain is in but the cancer is growing and I can't build up strength, therefore the cancer is taking control and its gone from slow growing to aggressive.  Haven't we seen it time and again and lost many friends who were fine one month and gone the next.
Yesterday I watched nearly a series worth of Housewives of Vancouver, that is becoming a sad person.  I wonder what they have to bitch about when so much is going wrong in the world and boy do 2 bitch.  Then my bum hurt and trying to find a new way to sit, lying down on my left side wasn't comfortable and right is now a total write off.  I wonder how my friends with chest drains lie down?  I know its a little different but it can't be much.
I also read that Steve in Oz is being knocked out for his procedure, how lucky is he, yet in the UK we are kept awake for the stomach one, so I've been told.  Are we really a caring profession over here.
The District Nurse asked me yesterday who was reviewing me after the drain has been in for a few weeks, good question?  I guess no one.  As I had to go private and the radiologist isn't the one who reviews then I guess again I am out in the cold.
I am having severe sweats still, not just during the night but on and off all day.  These too are taking their toll.  Together with the thought of food, at times I am just not wanting to eat.  Last night I ate 3 mouthfuls of what I call comfort food, braising steak, rich gravy and mash.  I am worried, my stomach isn't taking much in either. 
I will need to drain today as the stomach has swollen up during the night, yesterday I thought things had settled but guess I am wrong.  So another drain, then another day of it hurting follows.  It is an ever decreasing circle that seems to be taking away my life right now.
On that cheery note I sign off, I need to decide if I have the energy to shower or just have a wash.  I forgot to order a stool yesterday which would help showering, not having to stand maybe helpful.

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