I didn't get blasted on Thursday as I had hoped but nevertheless the radiation treatment starts on Monday. To my shock and horror the tumour is a mass 4cm x 4cm and still growing. How could I miss this, all I can feel is a hard walnut but the tissue underneath is tender and the Specialist had a good probe.
The bad news is that the treatment will shrink it only, no killing off the root of the matter and I feel sick to my stomach. All those drains and one needle has caused this. Now I am paranoid in case it is growing everywhere and I don't know.
Gary and I have asked the question of putting alimta directly into the mass but this is unheard of, we have also asked about still having it removed after the shrinkage but the response so far isn't favourable.
I will have to start thinking of the future shortly, do I seriously think about requesting places on trails or just take a chemo that has been used for meso. The thought of chemo makes my insides cringe, after all I went through last time and the time before that I don't think I have the strength of mind let alone a strong enough body to cope with it.
Then again maybe I am jumping the gun and this isn't a sign of it getting out of hand, its just a one off. I know I have the other tumours growing but hopeful they stay singular and slow, just your mind starts you off on a path and your imagine takes over.
Just in case I have booked a holiday with my best friends and we are going to Kos for a week in October. I have never left Gary before and I found it awkward at first saying I wanted to do it. I do hope the weather is still hot then. At least I don't have to worry about dog sitters for this. I have talked Gary into a long weekend, hopefully Lexi is out of season by then otherwise Chris and Lorraine are going to have a hard time!
I know I think it all the time but I do hope that something soon comes out and everyone agrees its a good way to deal with meso.