Realisation of Mesothelioma

I have being complaining my side and lower back ache and blaming the bed in Spain. Quite likely it isn't helping but in the fog of my brain this morning I finally opened my ears to listen to what my body was sorry is trying to tell me, the meso is obviously thickening back in that bottom corner of the lung. I feel back to what it was like in 2007 before I had cryo. How I wish Dr Abtin and Prof Suh's treatment could be here. A little freezing of this could take the pain away.

I just wish I could face and do that long haul flight to LA but my lung doesn't take to being over 6,000 feet ,for more than a couple of hours these days, plus the airport in La is the most hostile we have ever had the pleasure to land in. Not forgetting the unfriendly finance department in UCLA! I really don't like pain.

Had a lovely semail from Linda, from the USA, yesterday, as did Debbie, wishing us both well, SOS nice that she still drops a line even though she lost her sister to this dreadful disease.

I have been grateful that I have managed to make my cyber meso circle friends, although like everyone, I wish it wasn't because we had this cancer.

Another friend in Oz is having a terrible time and feels so isolated. Seems palliative care at their hospital gives them the option not to do anything for the patient! If nothing more you would hope palliative would be better helping deal with the day to day problems. Seems no where in the world can handle this disease and yet they still want to use asbestos? I just read a book about fibres of this stuff and was shocked to hear it was used in sound insulation for speakers etc. The fibres of are too large for our bodies to discard and the wrong shape so how can they say that we can still use it, has the fibre structure suddenly changed? How can a natural fibre suddenly alter it's make up because we now know it causes cancer, come on governments grow up and take responsibility, do you want another crisis in another 20 years!

I guess I will have to try and find out who I report to now regarding this kidney area pain, I hope something can be done, unless of course if I start a chemo regime after the cruise in September, I've managed the pains for a few weeks at least, my brain has this way of trying to deal with pain, as I wake up my mind is like a file structure on a computer hard drive, each folder is an area of pain and it is usually hitting delete as my eyes open, unfortunately this folder is being very stubborn and won't go in dusty bin!

Flight home this pm so back home to the dogs and cold weather, have got a bottle for the sun but it just will not go in!

Till tomorrow