After thinking I was having radiotherapy then ringing to find out I am in a back log I settled down to just having to think about the camera. To be honest I haven't really thought about it, instead it's being knowing I have fluid on the left side from the meso has filled me with a strange hope that the pain in those lower ribs is the fluid and not thickening.
I am worried about not having chemotherapy, I think anyone would be the same, yet on the other hand I am relieved. I will be able to spend Christmas feeling good. Although I didn't have the full on side effects after no 2 which is worrying in itself. I know I had a rough time with the stomach but my vision didn't blurr, my headaches weren't coming and going and I didn't have that I don't feel well but can't put my finger on it feeling - or is it we just simply forget?
Stupidly I am worried about the outcome of today, what if they need to do a procedure, will my body be able to cope with another invasive operation? Yet I want to have a stomach that doesn't make me feel ill on a morning and waking up isn't an awful start to the day. Strangely though they haven't been as bad as before I was violently sick with no 2. One thing I have noticed is a new pain in my right breast. I have them in my left so this is something new. I can't feel any lumps which is a worry as it makes me think I have meso pulling on muscles on this side now. It would be great if we got a good reading of our scans.
Dr A sent his comments back regarding my last scan, he also confirms everything is slow growing but I have new growth in front of the heart, could this be the same as the one I know about or a different one, the reason I say this is because he is worried about it breaking through the skin, therefore it can't be around the pericardium as that sits further back. He would still willingly come to the UK and do me but is finding a hospital that will allow him. Why do we get blocked by red tape? He informed me that their department is setting up an International Training Centre - I can't see our lot going over and learning let alone bringing this service back.
If I could get a couple cryoablated I would feel so much better in my mind. You know my thoughts, debulking is important as one becomes two and two becomes four etc. It also works for just pain relief and recovery is a lot faster than a few blasts of radiotherapy, no tiredness afterwards. I know there are a few risks, like nipping a vein or collapsing a lung but overall there are risks in everything we do with cancer treatments. Oh well pointless going there!
I found this photo of me just before chemo and I thought wow I look quite healthy so here I am looking somewhat at my best (meaning not in my dog coat, jeans and whatever else keeps me warm)
But boy we don't realise how we age do we! I must learn how to apply makeup one day.
Have to shower and fill out forms, 4 hours with no food or drink, just re-read it says 6, hope the procedure is running late as I had a coffee at 7.30, oh well see what he says when I get there. Just shows how bad my memory is.