Saturday, 29 December 2012

A Meso Pain Day

Having had a couple of nights with the old Meso sweats, last night was a rude awakening to pain once again.  My sleep disturbed by a pain in the heart area, as much as I hope it is something else my brain kept telling me my pericardium was once again filling with fluid, did the chemo get rid of the first lot and this is a replacement I just don't know. 

I didn't want to wake hubby so with my little torch light I found my morphine and took a couple of tablets, the rustle of tablets woke him so we both didn't sleep well.  In my sleep my mind was trying to lock the pain away, I often wonder if this is what happens with other meso sufferers.

I had planned to go shopping today as well as take the dogs with hubby, the walk was out due to the weather and shopping would be no fun with a very heavy heart, but we did nip to the local shops and had thirty minutes away from the house.
We came home and decided to check what pictures we have on the computer and check our cards to make sure we had them all loaded.  The hours have just passed us by and we have had a laugh at some of the photos.  I bought hubby a negative scanner a couple of years ago and one rainy day he went through and put some on a disc, neither of us had looked at them so we walked down memory lane.

I remember this been taken, we met a Dutch couple on our honeymoon in 96 and we were together on a trip to Columbia, the policeman just let us hold his gun, even though only a couple of weeks prior there had been a gunfight between the police and a drug baron.

My beautiful Dana, I still miss her all these years later, I loved this suite and wish I had had it recovered rather than buying new!
Our Dana and Tyke both who would sleep on our bed even when we were in it!
A sleepy hubby and baby Jagar, who we lost when she was 2 from cancer
Our Wedding Day, my mam and dad, Nev and Stephen
Memories that we have and they still feel like yesterday.  We take pictures and video's but how often do we really go back and look at them?  I have vowed to go through them all and even find the old video's we took and play them.
Christmas is the hardest time for those who have lost a loved one or are caring for someone who is seriously ill.  Having read a few entries today on Facebook my heart goes out to so many that I should remember how lucky I am that I am still here, that I have outdone the odds first given to me and hopefully will still be around to celebrate 2014.  My future for treatments may be bleak but then that magic tonic could just be around the corner.  This time 4 years ago I was facing death, I came through and I have to hope that I and many others in my predicament find something to keep us out of pain and in remission.  If nothing else we all have Hope.


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