As we left the Captains table from dinner I looked down - my stomach had blown up while we had been eating, not a lot but certainly different. Last cruise this dress fitted my bodice perfectly, this one it was dropping off me, but the waist was getting tighter. We came back to the room with thoughts of getting changed then taking in the show but you never go back out do you.
I awoke in pain, heavy to breathe and discomfort in ribs. I felt awful too, I didn't know whether I wanted to be up or lying Down. More than anything I was worried, my ribs were sore and I could tell fluid was built up behind them as well as on top.
Hubby made me go and rest some more as I really wasn't good, so an hour later I got up again, the pain from breathing wasn't as bad this time but the reality of how big I had become sank in. No longer is there a small bump in my lower abdomen it is evening out up to my chest. I know my vanity at first was kicking in, always having a reasons ably flat tummy, but this now affects my health. My breathing will become hard during the night with all the additional weight. My ribs are painful and angry, the only good thing, the bile has stayed away. I also had a few (a lot) of tears, fearing I am truly on my last legs.
I text my GP and told him I was bloated and my ribs spongy, I have asked to see if he can arrange a drainage for when I get back as by then I fear My skin will be at splitting point.
We didn't get off the boat as I just didn't have the energy early enough, I regret this as the place looked beautiful and somewhere to remember. Instead it took me till noon to get myself together, we missed breakfast so had a little sandwich from the cafe before going for a late lunch.
I was strung out most of yesterday but by evening I felt a lot better, this morning as Day Three of the cruise starts my stomach has bloated further, my left side is agony but for the rib pain I can at least take morphine.
Hubby will say 'Are hols really worth it' and I will say Yes. I am no good first thing at home these days so once I've got that out of the way I am alright. He has promised me this won't be our last holiday and I'll still be here next year.
The ship is a lot bigger than those we have been on before, I'm not sure whether that is good or bad. There isn't the same closeness, more space and eating places but harder to get in to conversation with others. Although we have ran in to the same couple twice and gate crashed their dinner table in deck last night. In fact we had a late night, not coming home till 11 pm.
As we prepare for the day ahead I will try my hardest to put the fears of meso behind me, I have to hope that some one in the Uk will treat me. I only need some thing to stop this fluid, which I am sure is due to my left side irritating the stomach. I am also going to promise myself that if I get remission again I am going to hold on to it and stop worrying about the future, I need to enjoy the now.
As we start the day in glorious sun shine I hope that you have all sunny skies or had them. In an hour we will be walking along the front and hopefully forget I am ill.