A lot happens to us as we travel through this journey. In my case I have had more pains and related problems, ie this stomach problem of bile together with the new ascities that came at me from a blind corner.
They tell us that they will do everything to ensure we have a decent quality of life. Is that just to handle the mesothelioma or everything else? Because please this bile problem has been bugging me for years! It was part of the reason I don't particularly fancy chemo again because I know it will make the situation totally unbearable. I think my Australian fighter and friend, Lou, is having the same kind of trouble.
I know you are sick of hearing me wittering about it, but I can't help it. I have seen three GI guys, the last actually telling me what the problem is, but no one will fix it. If the guy back in, I think 2010 had done something, when my meso was under control, instead of saying it was either a ulcer or cancer, I would be in a better place right now. The noxious stuff burns other organs in time, my poor insides have had enough from the meso without this, and boy has it come back with a passion.
It also brings me to another point. No one but the sufferer or the carer actually does see what is going on inside a home. We, as sufferers, try to put the good olde brave face on when company arrives. Seriously who wants to come and visit someone who is moaning about pain etc. I am always saying to my friends Yes I will get out and do this and do that, I know that on most things it can't happen. I can't plan whether a week next Thursday I would feel up to a shopping trip, but I say it anyway to be normal. The carer on the other hand, hubby in my case, is quietly telling them not to make arrangements because no doubt I will fall short and let them down. My friends probably think it is him being over protective, but it isn't. He sees far more than anyone else, he understands that I want to be normal and do these things but he also knows that I know I can't.
I had a sad phone conversation with a friend who has mesothelioma. She is in her early seventies, a fit lady as well, who was considering surgery to remove the meso from her left lung. Unfortunately, now she has made her mind up to go through with it, the meso has surfaced in her right lung. Surgery has been withdrawn from the options she had. Alimta didn't work and I believe she is trying a different treatment. I hope all goes well, she was very bright in her outlook considering the blow she had just received.
Another friend who has had surgery is struggling in two different ways. One, breathlessness, her breathing is getting shallower each time I talk with her. I have asked her several times what her specialist says and she tells me he says all is well. I don't believe it, also she has lost a lot of weight, in fact she would be classed as starved from her body weight. I do worry about her but I can't tell her what to do.
Tomorrow is my late Mam's birthday and also the anniversary of the day I was told I had terminal cancer. Maybe some reflection there then in the morning.
The weather seems slightly warmer outside today, Bear has managed to get wet eczema on the back of his head, we have had to cut a whole circle out, he actually looks like a monk! Typical though, as we will be away soon. On top of that it seems Lexi may be coming into season. Boy is our Lauri going to have fun dog sitting this time round.
To those on the outside who aren't carer's for sufferers, but friends of either party, take a few moments to wonder how you would cope if it was your loved one in this situation. Once over I would have thought going out everywhere and doing everything I ever wanted would be the way to go, but meso isn't like a normal cancer. It has so many restrictions going on inside, and on the outside, well we just look so healthy.
To the meso community, happy Bank Holiday Sunday, I hope those in pain are finding relief somehow, those on treatment are coping with the rotten side effects and those in remission, well enjoy it to the full.
Me, well I'm off to pack, I fear this may be my last holiday and that frightens me, its a long time to next April when the weather would make the med a place to visit again.