Sunday, 27 September 2009

Life without or with mesothelioma

It's Sunday and again I woke up feeling sickly, had a few dizzy turns again yesterday and Friday and not sure whether BP is going down again.

I'm putting the sickly feeling down to the hernia after the operation, how envious I feel of people waking up each day and not having an ache or feel sick etc. I know I shouldn't complain as after all I am alive and once I get the first 2 hours over I seem to feel a lot better. The couple of days before radiotherapy I had 3 mornings of feeling normalish - I say normalish because the bones still ached and my kidney area was tender but I felt good. I think I said I smiled for those few mornings which gave my hubby a near heart attack.

A few of my meso cirlce are going to submit stories for the website and I am so pleased at some of the responses I have had. I suffered worst case scenario (apart from dying that is) and I am sure many of you will not have had such a rotten deal, at least I hope you didn't.

It's been agreed that I stop Pilate's and on Friday, I had my back manipulated to try and release some of the tense muscles. That at least took some of the strain out of my neck.

I don't know what my next project will be but I need something to keep mesothelioma in the lime light, if we don't keep at it the government will finally sweep us all under the carpet and where will that leave the generations to come. Asbestos won't stop killing for years to come yet, how many houses still have it sitting in their lofts, soil pipes, between some walls etc. We are more into DIY and over the next 20 years I believe this disease will be even higher because houses have been worked over by the last two generations.
I took one of my brothers to help pick my fathers head stone, it's nearly 5 years and we still haven't put one on his grave. How terrible is that. Yes I can use the excuse that I have been going through treatments or recovering all this time but I should have found the time to do this important thing. I know when I die my ashes will be on the top in the spare lounge next to Jagar's and Tyke's so I have know worries unless hubby remarries and the new wife wants rid, then I guess I'll be planted in the garden along with my girls. Fingers crossed that is something that won't happen for a long long time.

One of the meso circle is off on Tuesday for results on his recent CT, I do hope he is still in remission and I know what will be going through his head right now. This will probably be one of those wasted weekends spent worrying about it.

'K' is home and under his wife's care and concern. He is suffering badly from pain and I feel for them both, being their myself, it's not a nice place but unfortunately we have to battle on. Survival really is a hard way to live daily but when you have so a noxious cancer like Mesothelioma every day is a survival day.

My Cousin, who died, apparently guaranteed a loan for someone she barely knew, he took off with the money and the loan shark came seeking her out. We believe that this caused her to have a massive heart attack due to the worry. My uncle tells me the letters he found at her house were extremely unpleasant and in his state of shock, found them extremely worrying too. I can't believe she was such a soft touch or didn't share this burden. Here we are fighting to live and she has to die over something that should never have happened. I hope the guy who took the loan suffers for the rest of his life as my cousin was such a caring person and in this case too caring.

I wanted to be bright and breezy today but when we went for our walk we found that someone had tried to smoke the badger den out in our woods! Why is man so cruel! That put me in a more sombre mood and I found myself thinking about what a rotten world we live in because of a few.

On that note I'm going to finish writing today, at least I've cleared if off my chest!

Please give a thought to all those that are suffering, positive energy and all that.

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